A Full, Fun Saturday

The change in Timmy has been amazing. He is more and more outgoing. Today we visited market for the first time and despite the crowd, he seemed to have fun. Both boys enjoyed lollipops with whistles attached (what was I thinking?!).

Later in the afternoon, a Chinese friend, Penny,  and her son, Devin, visited us at home. It was wonderful to listen to Timmy converse with them. She exclaimed at how smart he is as he read numbers to 20 in Mandarin and identified animals. He seemed to want to show them all that he knows. He wrote numbers on the art board paper and drew a duck for them. We all enjoyed their visit. The only time Timmy started to get upset was when Penny held him. He may have been afraid that they would take him with them.

Then, Joshua visited in the evening. The children all enjoyed Chinese food for dinner which was a gift from Penny and her son. They all played together and had fun. What a wonderful Saturday!!

Going Back to Work

This week I started back to school. Timmy would begin crying when he saw me starting to get ready in the morning. Each day he and his Baba bonded more and more. Today, Timmy waved goodbye and did not cry! I am so grateful for my family and the close bonds that are forming.

One Week Milestone

Timmy has been home for one week. We are doing a little better each day. Timmy is showing signs of being more comfortable with us. He is sleeping easier, and has transitioned into his own bed to start the night, at least. We really kept things quiet and did not go out to many places with him. About midweek I went out for an hour giving Timmy time to get used to Jim watching him. Then, yesterday I went out for about 3 hours. The guys did pretty well; with Timmy only crying for parts of the time. This weekend, I will go out again to keep repeating the idea that I will go and return. Monday starts my first day back to work, so the bonding will fast tracked then. Jim has been finding ways to interact with Timmy through little games and taking care of some of his needs.

On a funny note... we took the boys to the kid's haircutting place. I was concerned that the experience might be frightening for Timmy, so he watched his brother get his hair cut first. Then, it was Timmy's turn and he began to fall asleep. I ended up holding his head so it wasn't bobbing all over. Obviously, he wasn't afraid. Here is a picture of Timmy and Jake sporting their new haircuts.

Timmy's First Medical Appt.

I took Timmy to his first appt. and he did very well. He looked scared and whimpered some, but he cooperated with every task the doctor asked of him. It helped that she was very gentle with him. We have a great doctor (thanks, Sheri for the recommendation). Once the doctor finished her exam and I was able to dress him, he started laughing and fooling around. He said, "Bye bye" to her before she left.

This will be the first of many upcoming appts. Timmy was born with Spina Bifida; which explains why he became an orphan in a country that keeps healthy, male infants. We are thankful that despite his special needs he is able to run, play around with his brother, and participate like other children. So, how does his condition affect him? He has some nerve damage which affects his control of bowel and bladder muscles. He also has some coordination issues that make him topple over more quickly.

We have a referral to take him to either the Children's Hospital in Philadelphia or Dupont in Delaware. We will call and see which place will see him the soonest. We want to make sure we give him every medical advantage available.

Adjustment Home

This is Jake's 1st picture of our family. The initial meeting and getting along has taken a temporary nosedive. I am surprised that he doesn't have tears in Timmy's eyes or Timmy pushing him away from me or slapping at him. Instead of great jealousy on Jake's part, it is Timmy who does NOT want to share his mama. Whenever Jake jumps into my lap or gets close, Timmy starts to cry and push him. This has been tough on Jake who sadly noted that he thinks Timmy cries because Timmy doesn't like him. We have spent time cuddling Jake, complimenting his gentle reactions, and explaining how scared Timmy is right now.

Today, Jake jumped at the chance to travel to his Grammy and Grampa's house with Uncle Mike and Joshua. This gave Jim and I more time to bond with Timmy who is adjusting to soooo many changes. I am confident that our family will eventually find harmony and peace (and more sleep!).

Home Sweet Home

We are home after a long, tiring travel experience that went pretty well. It was a great joy to watch Timmy meet his Baba and brother, Jake. Jake has been really sweet; telling his brother that he loves him and repeating some words in Mandarin. It was Jake's idea to dress like his brother (thanks, Barb). They played together throughout the day, sometimes chasing each other, play fighting, laughing and getting used to each other. There were also some tears.

Timmy's time schedule has him awake and sleepy at opposite times. Along with time changes, the home and all of the people are new. He wanted me nearby at all times. He took to his Baba and they went  for a walk around the block (without me!). They also played with a ball and played hide and seek around some corners.

Timmy met his Uncle Mike, Aunt Bernadette and cousin Joshua in the afternoon. They had gone to a Chinese market in town and picked up some foods that Timmy liked. They also brought him a stuffed koala bear and a book. He seemed to recognize them from the skype sessions and the photo album that I sent over. Thanks, Mike for keeping everyone updated with the postings. :)

We will be taking the week very slowly to allow Timmy time to get comfortable with his new home and new family. He is sure to open up as he becomes familiar with his surroundings. Thank you all for your prayers and support.

This is our last night in China and I have mixed feelings. I am thrilled to be heading home to my family. But, I am sad for my son and all of his connections and heritage that he leaves behind. I hope that someday he will choose to return and find his foster family. He will have the album of pictures to help him reconnect with them.

We enjoyed a leisurely day with several walks to playgrounds. The parks are full of older Chinese people doing dance moves and exercises. The adults also play a game where they try to keep a small feathered object up in the air by hitting it with their feet and hands. Some of the equipment that the children played on was for adults to exercise. There was a small walking or running track on the boulevard. The Chinese people have many healthy, daily routines.

Timmy has enjoyed playing with a 10 year old girl named Jia Jia (pictured above). Her family is from Alaska and they adopted her from China two years ago. Now, they were returning for an 8 year old brother. The two children communicate in Mandarin and Timmy has been able to join into their conversations. He will miss his new friends when we part tomorrow in Beijing.

Our long journey home begins with a 4+ hour flight to Beijing. Then, we have a four hour layover and then on to Chicago. Interestingly, I will need to take my luggage through customs in Chicago and then pass it back for the last leg to Philadelphia. All together, with the time change, we will be in transit for about 28 hours. Then, home sweet home!!!

We are all trying to kill time before traveling home. I received Timmy’s Visa today which was the last piece of paperwork I needed before leaving China. Timmy and I and two other families decided to visit the zoo which ended up being a depressing field trip in the rain. It was depressing because the animals live in conditions less favorable than they do in zoos in America. Add that Timmy was too tired to walk and I carried him throughout the depressing zoo in the rain and that sums up the trip.

In contrast, we all enjoyed dinner together at Lucy’s. This was a goodbye dinner for Scott and his daughter Aislinn who fly out tomorrow. One by one the group is breaking up and each of us is heading home to a different state in America.

Tonight when I skyped with Jim and Jake, Timmy shared his Chinese toy which plays music. Jake danced around and repeated the tune. This was the first time the two boys interacted with each other playfully across the distance. I cannot wait to see them play together.

Timmy seems happier each day. Today he napped for 2 ½ hours and woke up without crying. He is avoiding bedtime at night which seems typical of any 3 year old. He has begun to enjoy playing with other children along on the trip. Sadly, today he locked himself into our hotel room bathroom while playing around with another older child. It was a scary few minutes for him while we waited for the housekeeper to unlock the door with her key. While he was stuck in there, he kept calling for me, his Mama. I talked with him and soothed him afterwards. He cried for a little while and then jumped down to play again.

Today was the day that Timmy was sworn in as a US citizen. Well, the parents actually take the oath for their children. We are not able to take cameras into the US consulate building, so I do not have it documented on film. But, Timmy wore a traditional Chinese shirt and jeans.

Later in the day, the families gathered for a traditional red couch picture. The children wear traditional outfits for the picture, and then wonder why they are being tortured with a hundred flashing cameras. (see their faces) Some of the group members are starting for home, so this is the last formal event.

Another milestone today with Timmy; he has started calling me Mama. I learned a few days ago that he was calling me his nanny in Chinese. This made me sad, as it showed the level of his confusion. We are not out of the confusing times for him, as he continues to wake up from his naps and cry for a while. He has also been crying out in his sleep at night. Only time and comfort will see him through.

As the days go on, home seems closer and closer!

In 5 days we will travel home. I am ready to see the rest of my family!

Timmy is having a very good day. We opted out of the tour to a Buddhist Temple and arts center. Instead we took a long walk with another CCAI family. Timmy liked running ahead and checking back to see if I was nearby. This is a big step from needing me to hold him all the time. He HATES the stroller, so when he is tired of walking, I still have to carry him. I thought a stroller would be perfect, and the stores all around the White Swan loan them out to adoptive families for the week; in hopes that you will shop in their store. So, I have a great toddler stroller and he screams every time I try to sit him in it.

I am learning about his sense of humor. He has a wicked, silly grin and a great giggle. We play games of hide and seek and tickling in the room and he lets out some great laughs. His first English words have been “oh no” in response to games on the iphone. He also says uh oh and he is repeating the English names of animals on the app. Peek A Boo Barn.

He still cries deeply at times; especially when he awakes from his nap. The pain of his separation from his foster family will take a long time to heal. Meanwhile, I got my first kiss from him this morning. The sweet trust of this boy is such an incredible gift. We are blessed!

March 5, 2011 (Linda's post from Saturday)

Timmy is full of surprises. Instead of being scared at the airport, he was excited about the airplanes. I thought his Grandpa would have enjoyed his excitement about flying (Grampa Schmelder is a pilot). Timmy’s excitement continued as he ran down the entry way and onto the plane. After takeoff he fell asleep for most of the two hour flight.

He seems to have settled some things in his mind and therefore he is happier and becoming more independent. This morning we all had to walk to the medical clinic. Timmy did well in the very crowded room with lots of children crying. This is apparently the one clinic that has to see every child being adopted from China. There were families from all over using lots of different agencies.

That is a change with this final hotel stay. There are many adoptive families staying here. The hotel, named the White Swan, has been used by adoptive families since China opened for international adoptions in 1992. The rooms are clean and comfortable and mine looks out over the Pearl River. I am looking forward to exploring this small island with Timmy as we enjoy the 75 degree weather.

Day 4

Last night Timmy slept better with only a little whimpering every once in a while. Since the first night, he continues to grind his teeth. I expect this comes from his nervousness about all of the changes. I hadn’t known that a toddler might react to stress in this way.

Unfortunately more change is on the way. While he naps I am going to pack up our things for today’s flight to southern China. I practiced wearing the sling because he wants to be held so much in new situations. The sling will help to save my back in the airport. I used it with Jake too when we first picked him up.

He is happier today and he is being more ornery (which I welcome!). While I was in the shower he pulled a snickers bar out of the room refrigerator. Also, he has been throwing things and watching my reaction. For now, I am taking it as a game and laughing with him. Later there will be time for setting boundaries. I did say “no” in Chinese when he went to dump the bubble solution on the floor. Another good sign is that he is eating more. Beside junk food, which he is a fan of, he ate dumplings and noodles for lunch.

Let’s hope all of the children in our group make the transition to the next hotel as smoothly as possible.

Tough Day

Roughest day yet. Timmy is starting to realize that he isn’t going back to his foster family. He has cried deep, soul wrenching sobs several times today and throughout the past night. All I can do is hold him through it. In between we have some smiles, but mostly he is sad, sad, sad. I learned that he spent the last two years with his foster family. He believes they are his family and he does not understand that he cannot stay with them by law. The grief is a necessary step, but really hard. Several of the adoptive families are struggling today because the children have down time and they are beginning to understand that this change isn’t temporary.

Quiet Day

Today was a day for relaxing with no appointments. There were some optional tours, but I thought it best to stay here for the day. Timmy is the most comfortable in our room. In fact he smiles when he sees the door. He has started to become more curious. He LOVES taking pictures with the camera. And, he has hit every button in the hotel room. He is also learning to play the toddler games on the iPhone J.

Last night he snuggled in to me for the first time. I think he knows that I am here to take care of him. As the CCAI founder said, at first they will consider you the best Nanny they ever had. I might just be reaching that point with him.

Timmy woke up feeling better. He has not had a fever all day. I am giving him medicine just as a precaution. He napped for about an hour and now he is putting stickers onto foam (thanks, LeeAnn). We were finally able to Skype with Jim and Jake. Timmy seemed to enjoy seeing them, and showed this with some cute smiles. He recognizes them from the album that I sent over before I traveled. He said the word for brother when Jake spoke to him. He also said Baba when he saw Jim. How heartwarming!

In about an hour we are going to a local Walmart for supplies. There are several things that I didn’t think to pack that I plan to pick up. One of the items is a sippy cup. Timmy is delayed with his eating and drinking skills. This may be from group living where he may not have had a lot of experience with different foods. From the pictures of his foster family, I don’t think he was with them more than a year. That means that his first 2 years may have been spent in the orphanage. He is tentative about trying new things. I am sure part of that is his very new transition to me. It is fun to watch his baby steps towards trust. Today he wanted to sit on my lap and raised his arms for me to pick him up.