Can You Believe It!

Jake went skiing twice with his Ababa. He loves it! I can't wait to go with them again, maybe this weekend. Jim said he was able to turn himself mostly in one direction. I think he is fabulous and adorable in his equipment. At 3 1/2, he is getting an early start. He will soon be one of those little ones that whips by the rest of us with ease and confidence. I am so proud of him.

Oh, What a Christmas!

After waiting years and years to celebrate the holidays with our child, we did! Technically, this was our second Christmas together, but last year Jake did not participate. He was still in the post-adoption shock of a whole new world. This year, he knew and anticipated the fun. We opened an advent calendar each day to help him count down. Then, Christmas Eve we spent with my family. The whole family gathered for a sing-a-long that moved many to tears. Then, we drove home to spend Christmas morning at home with just the three of us. This is a picture of Jake's smile at 7:30am just before opening his presents.

After breakfast and play time, we traveled to Washington D.C. to spent time with Jim's sister and family. It was relaxing and enjoyable. The whole series of special events will stay as some of my favorite memories.

Our Sweet Boy in China

Zhi Gu looks like he is growing up. When Jake saw these latest pictures, he mentioned the phone in Timmy's hand. It reminded me of the report we received of Jake when he was in Ethiopia. The report mentioned that Jake loved electronics. They will share that in common.

I recently found an on-line support group of parents who have adopted special needs children from the Henan province. The advice and information is helping me to feel closer to our son. Also, we received some critical paperwork from the Immigration office. Hopefully, we are on target for me to travel in early March. It would be wonderful to have Timmy with us for his 3rd birthday which is April 23rd.

Meanwhile, we are just days away from Christmas. Jake is super excited. These last two days, he has gone skiing with his Ababa. I was sorry to miss the fun. Aparently, he loved it and is learning a lot. Hopefully, I will see him at is soon; maybe over Christmas break.

Cousins Playing

Jake and his cousin, Joshua, braved the cold weather to enjoy some play time at the park. They ran around and chased each other while Mike and I caught up on life. It is wonderful to watch the boys play together. Afterwards, we all enjoyed some hot chocolate and warmed up at our house.

My school has collected over 300 bibs for orphanages in Timmy's area. A website for orphans in the Henan Province listed bibs as one of their areas of need. http://www.henankids.org/ I put the request out to the students and families and they have responded generously. These bibs will be packed into my luggage and carried over to needy children in orphanages; like the one Timmy spent time in. This project helps us feel closer to him. We also received two new pictures which I'll post soon.

Meanwhile, Jake is getting very excited about Christmas. He opens a new section of his advent calendar each day and promptly gives the chocolate to his Ababa. We share that in common - dislike for chocolate. :) I am looking forward to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with him and our families.

A Happy Thanksgiving!

We are especially thankful for Jake in our lives this year. This was his first Thanksgiving dinner and he seemed to really enjoy the day. He had lots of cousins to play with. His favorite food was the cranberry jelly :). I remember back to last year and how difficult it was to celebrate with our travel plans uncertain. We knew that Melkamu was waiting for us, and there was no way to speed up the process. This year, we know that Zhi Gu is waiting and again our travel plans are uncertain. But the waiting is easier with Jake to keep us busy. And, we know that Zhi Gu is being cared for by his foster family. Just today we sent out the second package to him. Next Thanksgiving our family will be complete and there will be even more to smile about.

A Trick That Worked

Jacob does not like to have lotion put on him after his bath. For most of the summer, I just let go of that step. But now his skin is dry. So, the other night I put shimmering lotion on him and he giggled and giggled. He thought being sparkly was just great. I tell him that he looks like Christmas and smells like cookies. I don't know how long this trick will work, but I am happy it is working now. :)

I don't have a picture of his sparkly skin, so I will include one from Jim's birthday on the 17th. We celebrated; just the three of us and it was special.

Timmy

Timmy will soon know about us as our package with photos should arrive in China soon. I can only imagine how his brain will process the idea. Meanwhile, Jake is excited and wants to know why his brother isn't here yet. The other night, as I was rocking Jake to sleep, he looked over at the toddler bed and said, "That's Timmy's bed." Sometimes I hear him talking about his brother in his childish conversations to himself.

The idea of a second child brings up new worries about how Jake will transition. He is LOVING the full attention of both of his parents. Will he be jealous of the time we will need to give to Timmy? How will he react to my long trip to China?

I've thought of some ways to help him to understand that I will be back. Of course, we will communicate when we can, but also I thought a visible countdown might help. Something like an count-down calendar or a paper chain with messages to him from me.

It is wonderful to watch Jake's excitement and love for his brother as we all grow our hearts to include this special little boy.

Package to Timmy

As we prepared a package for Timmy, I was reminded of when we sent our package out to Jake. They actually returned the photo album as well as the voice recorded card. I remember him showing us the items at the final ceremony. He loved opening the card and hearing our message to him. This time Jake was able to help us pick out items for his brother's package.

I am less sure that any of the items will get to Timmy. Our information says that he is staying in a foster home. Is this home close to the orphanage that will receive the package? Will the items ever make it to him and his foster family? We may never know. We are allowed to send multiple packages, so I will continue each week. Even if the items do not get to Timmy, they will brighten the day of other orphans. For this first package, I included the following items: socks, a sleeper with feet, a special spoon and fork, a toy car, markers, chocolates (for the family), a nail trimming kit, a disposable camera, perfume (for his foster mom), a photo album and a book.

I hope he at least receives the photo album with labels in Chinese. We love you little guy!

Meet Timmy!

Here is our sweetie. I love his cute smile. It is hard to know about him and yet have to wait to pick him up and bring him home. At least we won't have to wait the torturous 6 months that we had to wait for Jake. I should travel in about 3 months. Right now our process for Timmy is held up in the immigration office since all of that paperwork had to be redone. But today I received notice that they have our application and it is in process. yea! We look forward to sending him a care package with pictures soon.

A Brother!

A little boy will join our family from China within the next 5 months. He is 2 1/2 years old and very cute. Jake helped to pick his name; Timothy "Timmy" Dwight. We are excited! As soon as they release us to, I will post some pictures of him.
This process was soooo different from our referral for Jake. About a month ago we opened our China process up to some medical needs. We knew that there were many boys waiting to be adopted because most people request girls. These boys would have been abandoned because of their health needs. We began to rethink our family to consider 2 boys.
After submitting our medical checklist, we completed another home study and sent off our paperwork for Immigration. This was to take about 2 months, and we had to wait for this before getting a referral. Then, I received an e-mail saying that we didn't have to wait. We could learn about our child now. So, we began to seriously consider the children whose profiles were posted on our agency's website. This is where we found Dang Zhi Gu (Timothy Dwight). How strange it is to "select" a child for your family. What would make us pick one child over another? The process is never easy.
We feel confident that this boy is our child. His picture smiles to us from places around our house as we prepare ourselves and Jake for another family member. I will probably travel to China myself or with my brother. Being away from Jim and Jake for the 14-16 days will be tough, but the outcome will be an enriched family of 4! :)

Adventure Seeking

Jake loves to challenge himself. Here are pictures of him figuring out how to grab the rings and jump from the play set in our yard. He loves action of any type. Rainy days are tough because he still seeks ways to climb, throw things, and wrestle. I think a sibling will need to be warned about his big brother. :) While I write this he is throwing his t-shirt in the air and trying to get it to land on the highest piece of furniture.

A Brother or Sister

Jake may have a brother or sister sometime in 2011. On Thursday our social worker came to our house as part of our update for the China process. We completed our original China dossier in April of 2007, and now updates are needed to proceed. The wait continues to stretch out and they predict at least 2-3 years more for the traditional program (healthy children under 3). Meanwhile there are many children waiting with special needs. These children may be adopted sooner because they are outside of the traditional program. Well, we have made the huge decision to open our lives up to a special needs child. A child with minor, correctable health issues will be matched to us soon after we complete this round of updates. Then, it takes 3-5 months until they clear us to travel over and pick him/her up.

Jake's new sibling will likely be a boy. They agency says that there are many more boys with special needs waiting for families. We are excited about this next step in growing our family

Official in the US

On September 9th we completed Jake's adoption in the United States. It was an emotional day, full of ceremony and Jake's charm. Both Jim and I had to take the stand and swear that we would parent Jacob as if he were a child born to us. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of how much we both love him. We had to state his full legal name; Jacob Melkamu Tamene Dwight. Now he is a full United States citizen.

Empathy

My big kitty Lyle died on Labor Day Monday and I was able to witness Jake's compassion. He watched me carefully as I cared for Lyle over the long weekend. He asked a lot of questions. Why did Lyle go to the doctors? Would he be ok? I shared honestly with him. When Lyle finally died, Jake felt my pain. He touched my tears and cried himself. He kept hugging me and staying close by. As I comforted him, I felt my own sadness fade. Lyle was well loved and loved in return. RIP, Big Guy!

Starting School

Jake started school this week. He loves it already and asks every day if he is going to see friends at school. Unfortunately, he went for one day and now has 5 days off until he goes again. It was interesting that he did not sleep well after going. What I find with him is that he puts his best foot forward and rarely shows apprehension or fear. But, at night he shows some of his fears. All I can imagine is that the school might have reminded him of his stay in the orphanage. As time goes on and he realizes that we will always be there to pick him up, he will likely settle in and sleep more soundly.

Charming!

His big eyes show so many expressions. Jim took this picture while I was at work and I see the anticipation on his face. He was looking forward to something they were about to do. The next set of pictures on the camera showed him in his pool, so I think that was the source of his excitement.
Next week, Jim starts teaching at a local college and Jake starts his school. We bought him a lunchbox yesterday and he put an apple in right away. I think he is going to love his school and playing with friends.

Payback for Vacation

Jake has made my transition back to work more difficult. On Monday morning he cried and on Tuesday morning he screamed. Then tonight, he told me that he cried during the day because he couldn't find me. :(

We recently returned from a vacation in the Finger Lakes area of NY. The resort had an indoor/outdoor water park which Jake loved. He is really, really fond of water. Watching him play brought us lots of joy. He also liked our walks outside around a little lake. This has been a wonderful summer of new experiences for us as a family. I am a bit sad to know that summer is nearly over and that will mean less time together. But, there are benefits to each season. Just yesterday while Jake was swinging in the backyard, he talked about the snow that covered his play area last winter. We will look forward to the cooler weather which is around the corner.

His Book and Life Experiences

Today I recieved the Blog book in the mail. It is so interesting to look back at our journey together. And, now it is in hard copy for him to read when he is older. I am very pleased with how it looks and how easy it was to complete.

As I look back through the pages, I am amazed at all of the living we have crammed into our eight months together. Here is a list of the more exciting experiences we have shared with Jake;

• airplane ride home from Ethiopia


• two trips to the ocean


• boat ride in the ocean with a storm that caused hail and rocky seas


• two trips to Vermont (with one attempt at skiing for him)


• two train rides (Philadelphia and the Strasburg Railroad)


• two trips to Dutch Wonderland


• Museum of Natural History in DC


• tent camping


• trip to the Finger Lakes in NY with a water park(our trip later this week)

One of my friends, Claudia, laughs as she watches the journey, and wonders how we will top these events. I didn't realize we were quite so busy. Through all of this, Jake has continued to love new things and learn from them. Also, he is more trusting of us and better behaved.

A Glorious Rainy Train Ride

We took Jake on the Strasburg railroad and we were caught in a storm. We saw the lightening off in the distance and felt the rain through the open windows. He didn't mind at all. In fact, I think the whole experience was enhanced by the rainstorm. His eyes grew really big when the "ghost" train whistle blew and echoed off the surrounding hills. This ride rounded out the celebration of his third birthday.

A Book of Memories

Recently, I worked on a hard copy book of this blog history. Someday I will share it with Jake as a record of our first six months together. The on-line company was Book Smart and the process was really easy. For about $35 (counting shipping) we will have a hard copy including the colored pictures. I wanted to get this information out to others who may want to do the same thing for their story.

Jake's Birthday

Jake turns 3 tomorrow, but we celebrated today. He seemed to really enjoy his special day. We bought him a red bike yesterday for his birthday and today he woke up and asked to ride it right away. We were actually outside so that he could ride around 6:30. I think that earns me some type of mother award. :) The rest of the day included church where he fell asleep and snored during the service, getting ready for the party, and a wonderful "pool" party with friends. Jim and Uncle Mike even made water balloons which were a big hit with the kids. It was such a joy to share this birthday together with him. It is the first of many more to come.

Reflection on a Year Ago

Last July was when we learned that Melkamu Tamene would become our son. He was just under two years old and all we had were two pictures of him and some of his background. We studied his picture and rejoiced about the news, while also acknowledging the tough reasons which were creating our family. We knew that he was confused and scared at all of his life changes.

This weekend we will celebrate his third birthday. So much has happened to seal us as family members forever. He brings so much joy into our lives.

Sharing Pictures

Last weekend Jim and I finally shared pictures of Jake's birth family with him. We waited until we had a quiet day at home, in case he needed more comfort or space afterwards. We really didn't know how he would react. Would he remember and be sad? Would he be angry? Would he become withdrawn or act out? It was nearly a year ago when he was brought to the care center by his family. Without getting into too much detail about the family he lost, there were pictures of about 5 family members.

Well, we all sat down on the couch and Jim and I started in halting voices to share some of the details and pictures. I had rehearsed the details in toddler terms, hoping he would get the gist of our conversation. The pictures were in an album for him. He thanked me for the album and seemed to take the information seriously. He didn't share much. His strongest reaction was to a picture of his birth home.

When we showed him a picture of his birth home, he quickly jumped up and started to pretend cry and point to his scars on his leg. We know that while he lived with his birth family he was burned in a cooking fire. We were told that he grabbed some sticks out of the fire and they landed on his legs. His scars are significant on his upper thighs. From his reaction, we assume that the fire was close to his house. Obviously this early trauma stuck in his memory. So far we do not see any fear of fire based on his burns.

The people pictures did not seem to have the same effect. He looked at the album several times. There were pictures of him in the care center and he seemed to look the most at those. Now that we have shown him the pictures we will keep them available and accessible. We will honor his first family at holiday and in our everyday conversations and remembrances. I feel relieved that we took this first step to making our family comfortable with the conversations related to his life story.

In reflection, the experience of adoption is soooo much more complicated than I anticipated. The joy of growing our family is matched with the pain of separating family members from each other. There are no easy answers in life.

Our Swimmer

Jake LOVES the water. This weekend he swam with his cousin Caroline, Aunt Dianne, Ababa, and me. He swam underwater while kicking his feet and moving his arms. He went down a big water slide and jumped in from the side of the pool. He wanted to go off the diving board, but we said no. :) I am amazed at his bravery and total lack of fear. We will have to keep giving him opportunities to swim and improve his skills.

Also, he sleeps really well after so much exercise. :)

Jake and Joshua

Jake LOVES his cousin Joshua. He talks about him everyday. Whenever Jim and I tell him that he is going to do something, he asks whether "Joshua come too?" He gets really excited to see him. Yesterday, they visited Dutch Wonderland. We enjoyed their smiles and laughter. It was heartwarming to see Joshua take care of Jake on the rides. At other times, I've heard Joshua say, "It's ok, little buddy." when he sees Jake upset. They also wrestle like brothers and fight over toys. I am thrilled that they are growing up with each other like Mike and I grew up together.

A Busy Weekend

Jake enjoyed a busy weekend. On Saturday we joined 3 other adoptive families at Daniel's Den. The children played around on the playset and then we shared a picnic lunch. Malachi and Jake played with the sand. There were five children from Ethiopia. At one point, I went into the sandbox to tell Jacob about lunch. A little boy said, "I didn't know that you were his mommy. I thought you would have a face like his." I smiled at this little boy's recognition of our different skin colors, and I assured him that I was Jacob's mommy.

The next day we traveled to Aunt Laura's house where he played for hours on the trampoline with his cousins. He is pictured with four of his cousins, Joshua, Kaitlin, Abby and Jonathan. Everyone seemed to enjoy the day. And, even though Jake was tired, he was well behaved. He fell asleep on the car ride home and slept the rest of the night.

An Adoption Episode

Today we visited DC and planned a lunch at an Ethiopian restaurant in Falls Church. Jake was sleeping when we arrived at the restaurant, after spending time at the Natural History Museum. As you can see from this picture, he ate well and really enjoy his injera. Afterwards, we went next door to the Ethiopian shop.

For some reason, he started to act up. He threw a bottle of apple juice on the floor and when I picked him up he started kicking and trying to pinch my cheek. As I was trying to correct him and calm him down, two Ethiopian women started to talk with him in Amharic. They were very stern and the older woman started to smack her hand as she talked. I sat him on a stool for him to listen to her. I assumed she was telling him to respect his emama and his abbaba. I heard her saying those words.

Well, he sat there quietly and then when it went on for a minute or two, I took him down from the stool. She reached out to hold him as a way to be loving (I imagine), and he would have none of it. I picked him up and we took him to the car. Well, he completely freaked out for at least a half hour. He was screaming and crying and zoning like he does when he really seems to be grieving. We tried to comfort him by reassuring him that we were not going to leave him at the restaurant and that he was our son whether he was acting badly or not. It took him a looong time to recover.

We still aren't sure what happened, but we do think it was related to his adoption story. The crying was not his usual I am mad and tired. As parents, we recognized the difference. I still feel guilty for having him sit on the stool and listen to the woman. I thought it might help him to hear another message about respect in Amharic. He struggles in this area.

It was exhausting to go through this with him. As he sleeps tonight I wonder what caused him to react in such a way. Did he think we were going to leave him? Did her words scare him? Was he remembering being disciplined at the orphanage? This is just another example of how complicated it is to parent a child when we have missed their first years of life.

The Month of Graduations!

Jake must think that graduations are common occurances since he attended his second one on Friday. It felt extra special to share the event with him, Jim and friends Eric and Aimee. Jake charmed people in the crowd and lasted about an hour before he needed to run. The room was hot and the cermony long (2+hours), but I was glad that I attended.

Good Impressions??

Last weekend Jim graduated from Seminary and Jacob met his Grandmother from California for the first time. He didn't exactly put his best self forward. He seemed out of sorts and over stimulated. Here is an example: We all (Grandma, Aunt Dianne, and Uncle Chuck) went out to eat after graduation to a sandwich shop downtown. All Jacob wanted was to see the fountain out front. He saw it before eating and again afterwards. I had him afterwards, so Jim would be able to talk with his family. I made sure to hold Jake's hand as he walked around the cement border. Then, I made him lay down on the border to look into the fountain. He threw coins in and seemed content to reach into the water with his hand. Well, you know how quickly two year olds move?? In an instant, he went from lying on the border, to reaching in and then falling head first into the fountain. I pulled him out by his feet and he was competely soaked. He was sputtering and crying. As I consoled him and carried him back to the outside table full of family - it was hard not to laugh at the ridiculous picture we made - he was dripping in his dress clothes and I was carrying him with my dress soaked in the front. It cut the meal short as Jim went to the parking garage for the car. Aunt Dianne helped me undress Jake and we wrapped him in her pink shawl. He was dancing around in his pull up by the time Jim returned with the car. Now, his imaginary play includes calling for help as he "falls into a fountain". :)

Mother's Day Reflections

We spent the weekend together as a family in Cape May. What an awesome Mother's Day weekend. Jacob LOVED the beach and wanted to jump right into the cold water. My heart just swelled with love as I watched him experience another "first".
Jim made the day special by bringing down a bottle of champagne and treating me to a special lunch. Then when we arrived home from the beach, he drew me a bath, lit candles, and took care of Jacob while I relaxed. I put Jacob to bed and we played a long game of tickling. He wanted more and more. :)

On reflection about this Mother's Day; I think I feel it more deeply having waited through sooo many other years when my heart ached to hold a little one. Jacob is just the child for us. He is a joy and a challenge. He often charms his way out of trouble when he has pushed the limits too far. Then we hear, "I love you Mommy!" or "I love you Ababa!" and see his charming smile. It is really hard to follow through sometimes. But, we know that love is setting limits and teaching him to trust and not to always strive for control. I look forward to experiencing more firsts and seconds and thirds, ..... with him (and his Ababa!).

Video of Sprinkler Fun

Water Fun

The temperatures rose to the mid-80's, so the boys (Jacob, Ababa and Joshua) cooled off in the sprinkler. It was fun to watch Jacob go from timid to brave as he followed his cousin's lead. They were running through the water and laughing until they needed to warm up with towels. Uncle Mike's yard was the perfect water park.