Timmy's First Christmas

Outside church for the Harvard tree lighting.

Lunch with Santa was a success!

Two Years Ago!

Two years ago we met Melkamu Tamene for the first time. The moments are still so clear in my memory. After months and months of waiting, we drove up to the gate of his care center. The children were playing outside and each of us craned our necks to "find" our child in the crowd. I was sure I spotted him and excitedly pointed him out to Jim. Before we could see him clearly, the nannies whisked them inside the building. They wanted to set up our first meeting and record it for us on video. The minutes that we took off our shoes, entered the building and waited our turn, seemed like eternity.

Then, they called our names and we mounted the steps, crying and smiling at the same time. At the top of the steps we entered a room full of children. There was our son, playing with the other children being told by the nannies that we were there for him. He came right over and I scooped him into my lap. We played with him showing him books and toys. I kissed his head and held him tight. The other children tried to climb on us too and immediately Melkamu became possessive of us, pushing the others away. While my heart ached for the other children, I knew their parents would soon be there for them.

We moved from that room to a more private setting outside. I remember the sunshine and his charming antics. He laughed and charmed us right away.

Melkamu Tamene - 2 years old

Jacob Melkamu Tamene Dwight- 4 years old

Joy!

Timmy's History

Timmy with his Chinese Baba

Timmy with his Chinese Mama

     I just opened a treasure of an e-mail from Tim's foster parents (with 6 pictures). We are so fortunate to have e-mail contact with them. It is evident from the pictures and their notes that they loved him very much. They miss him a lot. I cannot imagine the heartache of raising a son for two years to then have to send him across the ocean to a new world. His close bond with them helped him to bond with us. We are grateful and humbled by all that they invested in his life.
     Supposedly, Timmy would not have been able to stay with them past a certain age. Then, he would have returned to the orphanage and an unknown future. We are fortunate that this family chose to do the hard work of fostering. We share our son with them, and hope to bring Timmy back to visit with them when he is older.

Medical Update

Timmy at Boston Children's Hospital

We traveled down as a family on Thursday to have Tim's Spina Bifida evaluation in Boston. The hospital impressed us with a stairway that played music and lots of child friendly areas such as chalkboards and fish tanks. The doctors and nurses were efficient and friendly. The doctor we saw specialized in orthopedic issues. He had Xrays taken of Tim's pelvic area to see how his bones might be affected. The doctor noticed that one of Tim's leg is tighter than the other with smaller calf development. This ankle is less flexible. Also, the Xrays showed some difference in the leg bones. But, they were pleased with his pelvic bones and just said that they would watch the other differences. They were not concerned and seemed pleased with his mobility.
     The next appointment will focus on Tim's bladder and bowel system which at this point seems the most compromised by his condition. We hope for good news. As you can see by this picture, he was a trooper through it all. He kept saying, "That didn't hurt." when we left. We took advantage of  the quality, ethnic restaurants near the hospital. We tried to go to an Ethiopian restaurant, but the one we found didn't open until later in the evening, so we enjoyed Indian instead. Next time we plan to take the train down for an extra experience for the boys.

Timmy's Progress



Timmy is growing up and becoming more and more fluent in English. He picks up nuances of the language and has a funny sense of humor. When he disagrees, sometimes he says "Yes, it Are!" which makes me laugh. I think he looks very American in this photo with his baseball hat, footie pajamas, and eating breakfast at his computer. He likes books and writes the letters of his name mostly in order. He likes school and remembers the names of his friends in class. He adores his brother and often says, "When I get bigger, like Jake....." We are watching him open up and trust more.

Beautiful Fall

Loving Brothers

As the fall colors pop here in MA, I am reminded to stop and notice the leaves. It is tough to pause long enough to appreciate the beauty of the season and the joy of my family. We are very busy with our new jobs. I have a new found respect for my parents who moved from CT to PA with 4 growing children. They left all that they knew to create a new life. This creates a sadness. I miss my family and friends. New joy blends with new pain which is so often the life experience. The boys and Jim remain my biggest area of joy. The boys are such a blessing and we are fortunate to be their parents.

10 Years Ago and Now

Hiking on Mt. Wachusett 9-11-11

On 9/11 I pause to reflect on my life then and now. No one forgets where they were when certain events happened, and this is true of this date. I was in my office at Conestoga Elementary School as a first year principal when my brother called and told me to put on the news. I opened my computer to live TV and watched the second plane hit the twin towers. We were speechless, and then expressed our shock to each other. I quickly thought about the rest of my family and then all who would be affected at school. The day was a blur of supporting children, families, teachers, and staff. We waited for more bad news, and it came as two more planes crashed. What an awful day. I remember crying in the weeks afterwards as the news covered heroic and tragic details.

So much has changed in 10 years. My heart is heavy with the countless deaths that have followed: both Americans and people from other countries. The cost of tough decisions. I do not claim wisdom in the details, but know that now I feel these tragedies with the new awareness of motherhood. What if my boys were in harm's way. How helpless I would feel if they were in the towers, or how helpless I would feel if we lived in one of the bombed cities of another country. I pray for peace and happiness for my children and all the children of the world.

Yes! I am their mother!

Last week I took the boys to the library for library cards. The woman behind the counter asked two times if I was their mother. What did she think? I was babysitting? Or found two random toddlers on the sidewalk and brought them into the library?
Another adoption related experience has happened a number of times. The boys, particularly Jake, will wander just far enough ahead of us that concerned adults will look frantically around for his parents. Not seeing other African-Americans they assume he is lost. Meanwhile, we are right nearby. We have to speak up and say, "He is our son." for them to stop looking around for his parents.

A Hard Truth

Jake loves Spiderman

It must always be difficult for parents to admit that their child is tough to raise. I sympathize with all parents who struggle to meet the complex needs of their children. Jim and I admit that Jake is hard to parent (while he is charming too). Last night, I read the book I created from my blog posts of his first year with us. It was somewhat reassuring to see that he has never been easy. Right from month one, he tested boundaries and challenged us as the new adults in his life. His strong will continues. He pushes boundaries, and he can be defiant and disrespectful. We struggle with setting boundaries while helping him to know that he is loved and accepted.

He also melts down at times which shows that he is vulnerable and wounded. We love him dearly and want to help him to develop into a happy young person. Our next step in parenting is to seek professional help from those more familiar with issues related to abandonment and adoption.

Brotherly Love

Brotherly Love; August 2011

Jake and Timmy are becoming best friends. I love to listen to them talking to each other, and seeing their random acts of love. Recently, after getting their hair cuts, they hugged each other in the salon afterwards. When Timmy was sick in the car, Jake reached out to hold his hand and asked if he was ok. Just today when they were both napping on our bed, Timmy woke up first and leaned over and kissed Jake. Their getting along far outweighs their skirmishes. I am grateful that they have each other.

A Painful Reality

Mike with Jake at the Red Rose Race in June 2011

My brother Mike has been my best friend all of my life. Just one year apart, we shared a room and bunk beds as kids. We were called "the little ones" in my Dad's bedtime prayers. Through the years we shared innocent childhoods, crazy teenage years, and then we reconnected when Mike moved to Lancaster to attend Millersville University. We shared conversations and milestones that were heartbreaking and joyful. For the past 4 years, we ended up only blocks away from each other. We shared lots of similar interests such as running, skiing, education, reading and our children.

 As we waited to adopt our two boys, we loved spending time with his son, Joshua. Then after coming home, Jake, Timmy and Joshua shared many play dates. One of the sad parts of moving hundreds of miles north, is the distance this puts between Mike and me and our families. Luckily we have phone calls, Skype, and visits to keep us connected. But, I miss the impromptu visits and weekly face to face connections.

A Day at the Beach (Jim's words)

Here is Jim's reflection on our day at the MA beach:

Wingaersheek Beach

by James S. Dwight on Saturday, July 16, 2011 at 6:41pm

An incredible day at the beach, Wingaersheek to be precise, near Gloucester, MA. The water was just chilly enough to make that first total immersion something sublime, on the edge of agony and ecstasy. The water was shallow due to massive sandbars, so the boys could enjoy going out pretty far. Granite boulders flung into the ocean were perfect for escaping the water, jumping off, exploring, and generally goofing around. The sand was pristine white, but next to some truly wondrous salt marshes. The marina was close enough to see fishing, motor, and sail boats, but not so close to be loud and cause many wakes. I pointed out lighthouses, drawbridges, and sailboats to my sons with that electric sensation of seeing them through their eyes. The air was just warm enough to want a dip now and then, but the breeze made the air temp perfect for reading a book. After swimming and sandcastle building, we headed into Gloucester for an incredible Italian gourmet meal. The staff welcomed the boys, not shunning 2 three year olds that a snobby place would. Linda and I shared some Sam Adams Summer Ales -- so tasty, while the boys slurred on Sunkist orange sodas. Afterwards, we headed out the quaint fishing village turned haute couture tourist seafood spot for a couple gelatos: hazelnut and coffee. Of course, the sugar junkies stole the ice cream from the adults, but we had our coffees to help us enjoy the sleepy late afternoon vibe on a narrow, twisty town lane. The boys waved hi to a little girl in a window with that childhood innocence that doesn't know that such friendly behavior may be construed as impolite. And the drive back to the mountains only took an hour. As I write, I have to narrow my eyes as the setting sun casts its acute rays through the woods behind my house, casting shadows through the boys playset. An incredible day; I am truly blessed.

Birthday Excitement

Grammy and Grandpa sent Jake a package with a Spiderman theme. He LOVED it. He has been looking forward to his 4th birthday for a while. His list of requested gifts is long enough for us to need a small loan. We are trying to teach him to wait for things that he wants. Next, we have to teach him that there is a reasonable limit to the cost of the items. His official birthday is on the 19th.

Birthdays are a good time to reflect on the past year and a half together. We are so blessed to be his parents. He is FULL of life and adventure. We have our hands full with trying to ensure that he listens and shows respect while showing him lots of love and acceptance.

He brings lots of joy to our family through his antics. Some of the latest include climbing door frames to the top with is feet on either side, posing for pictures like a pro, and saying "that's cool, huh?" to his brother as he demonstrates daring jumps or new tricks. He loves anything electronic and plays Wii games and iPhone games easily and often.

Jake likes to ask questions. He has started to ask more about his adoption. Recently, I overheard him talking to his Ababa about the fact that their skin doesn't match. Jim lovingly explained the reason to him. We keep the adoption dialogue open and have pictures of his first family in his room. We hope to connect with other adoptive families to provide other examples of mixed race families. As Jake grows, we hope to provide the love and structure he needs to find his own identity and place in this complicated world.

Simple Pleasures in Life

Timmy and Jake on their new playset.

Grandpa saying grace with his grandsons.

Where to start?

So much has happened in the last few weeks. The biggest news is that we have moved into our new house in Massachusetts. The boys are adjusting well and love their new room and the playset in the yard. We are busy unpacking boxes and determining where to put the furniture. The process has been fun and exhausting.
We were fortunate to have some of our family travel up the first weekend. Bernadette organized the kitchen, while Grandpa put together Timmy's bed. Mike helped load a truck with more boxes from PA and brought them up. Joshua played with Jake and Timmy. It was wonderful to have them all here to celebrate with us.
I started my new job and everyone has been so welcoming and friendly. I am meeting many people and starting to prepare for the upcoming school year. Meanwhile, Jim has an interview to adjunct at a local collage. We are excited to begin this part of our journey.

Lots of Tough Goodbyes

The cake from the party at school.

Jake saying goodbye to Rachel, my Administrative Assistant

This is even harder than I imagined. Funny how conflicting feelings vie for front row and leave me exhausted. While excited to move to MA and start a new adventure with Jim and the boys, we realize all that we are leaving behind. For me - I came to Lancaster County as an 18 year old college student and I have lived here ever since. My student teaching experience in college paired me with Linda Depro, my dear friend and mentor from Pequea Valley. We shared breakfast together last week and said a temporary goodbye (we plan to see each other again). These temporary goodbyes have gone on and on; each one paining my heart.

Before school ended the faculty and staff held a lovely goodbye party. Friends were invited to say goodbye to our head custodian (retiring), my administrative assistant (retiring), and me. It was a wonderful drop-in which included Jim and the boys. A few days later, I showed a video that I had prepared as a goodbye to them. I was truly blessed to work with such a caring and professional group of educators and support staff. We made an awesome team as represented by the reoccurring theme of geese flying in the V formation.

They put together several meaningful gifts that will touch my heart for the rest of my life. One was a huge album of sentiments from adults and students. The creativity and heart felt messages bring tears to my eyes each time I open it. They also created a beautiful sign using letters from school projects done under my leadership years at Salisbury. These gifts will remind me of the most meaningful aspects to leading - the relationships.

I learned that while our gains in achievement helped all of us feel proud and excited, the smallest connections made the biggest impact. Time and time again, I read in their cards how conversations, words of support, and recognition meant the most to them. They recalled situations that took me by surprise because of the seemingly insignificance. But, those times meant the most to them, and they wanted me to know that I had made a difference. How humbling and inspiring. May these remembrances serve me well as I create new relationships in MA. I will never forget my dear friends and colleagues.

Moving in 1 Week!

Here is why I have not updated this blog in a while. We are very, very busy getting ready for our move to MA in 1 week from today. More later....

Jake's First Race

Lining up for the 1 mile fun run (Red Rose Run)

His running/skip

Jake, Timmy and I walked down to the Red Rose Run to support Uncle Mike. When I saw Jake running to get there, I asked him if he wanted to participate. He did. So 5 minutes after Mike's start, Jake lined up for the 1 mile fun run. He wasn't too sure of this new experience. As older children passed him on the first hill, I heard him start to cry. Luckily, I was running behind him with Tim in the stroller. We caught up and encouraged him to finish. At the 1/2 mile he started skipping and finished the race with a combination of running and skipping. He was proud of himself, but disappointed that he didn't get a gold medal. :) I hope this is the start of a lifetime interest in running. Uncle Mike and I have shared that interest over the years.

My Baby is Growing Up

Jake Melkamu 2 years old in Ethiopia





Jake 3 years 10 months

Jake is really sprouting up lately. He is losing his baby face and looking more and more like a little boy. He moved from a size 2 to a size 3, where he stayed for almost a year, and now he is a solid size 4. His feet grew larger in the last month. He is full of action and very, very coordinated and sports minded. He is Babas right hand man and LOVES playing physically with him. Don't they have the same ornery smile. I have to grab Jake for hugs or wait until he is almost asleep for snuggling. His joy for action and life brings lots of smiles to our family.

Timmy's Development

A couple of weeks ago, Jim and I took Timmy to our intermediate unit which provides early intervention services. They spent an hour and a half testing his physical and academic development. They even brought in an interpreter to eliminate the issue of language difficulties while asking him to perform tasks. Interestingly, he seemed to prefer English vs his native Mandarin. He turned away from the Chinese interpreter when she tried to help him. It took a while for him to warm up and it still seemed that he understood all of the directions in English.
     The outcome of all of the assessments led them to conclude that he is right on target if not ahead; especially when you consider his adjustments to a whole new culture. We enjoyed watching him laugh and strive hard to please the room full of women doing the assessment. He was quite charming.
     There is no guarantee that a birth child or adopted child will develop on the given timeline. We were prepared to help Timmy in any needed way. It did come as a relief that for now we will focus on his bladder issues and enjoy watching him develop without early intervention services.
     The past 2 1/2 months have been amazing. Timmy's sweet and feisty personality has blessed our lives. He is learning English so quickly. The other morning he was looking at a book with flaps. He clearly said, "Look in here, mommy!" as he opened each one up. The list of words and phrases grows longer each day. I am sure that playing with his big brother Jake has helped speed up the process.

Mother's Day



Enjoying family time in Aunt Dianne and Uncle Chuck's hottub/pool.

 This was my second Mother's Day and my first one as a mother to two boys. I find myself short on time to reflect and less time to write about my reflections. Life is really BUSY; especially right now. When I reflect, I think of how quickly our family has grown. It takes both Jim and me to keep our family moving in a positive direction. The adjustments have not been easy. But, just when we lose our patience or wonder if there is peace in sight, we watch our two boys love each other. One such moment came as we ate dinner at an outside cafe in DC on Mother's Day. Towards the end of our meal, Jake took Timmy's fork and gently began to feed his brother; using kind words to encourage Timmy to eat more. It was a sweet example of Jake's care for his brother. Another example from Mother's Day came from our time in the Air and Space Museum. Both boys picked out a small model airplane. While their Baba paid for the planes, I took the boys into a lobby. They posed for a picture where Timmy looked at his brother in an adoring way. We often watch him follow Jake's lead with excitement.
     I am a grateful mother of two amazing boys. Their first mothers cared enough to try and give them access to better health care, more food, a better education, and more opportunities. What a selfless act of love to hand your child over to an uncertain future. Now that they are in my life, I cannot imagine the sacrifice. There is a tremendous responsibility for us to give them all that their parents hoped for them while maintaining their connection to their heritage. I pray for strength and guidance.

Timmy Birthday and Easter

Timmy and his Thomas cake!

Joshua, Jake and Timmy in their Easter suits

A Family of Four

We enjoyed a busy Easter weekend. It started with Timmy's 3rd birthday on Saturday. We celebrated with Uncle Mike and Aunt Bernadette and Joshua. They brought over cupcakes and pizza. Timmy learned to open gifts with the help of his brother and cousin. Joshua gave him a Thomas train set and Jake gave him a hockey stick. All of the boys had fun playing together.

The next day was Easter and we hosted my family. I wanted a photo shoot before church and Mike helped out. The boys looked so cute in their matching suits. They seemed to like being dressed up and getting so much attention. Then, we all went to church together.

After the service, we had a few hours until my family arrived. I had prepared potatoes and ham and purchased a Thomas cake. Everyone helped out with the rest of the meal. Our house filled up with laughter and love. Timmy enjoyed another birthday celebration.

We will miss our family when we move. We also missed sharing the day with any of Jim's family. This holiday hosting may be the last one for some time. That put a slight sadness into the otherwise wonderful weekend.

A Busy, Busy Spring

Here is an update on some things going on lately. Last weekend I flew up to MA to spend the day at Hildreth Elementary School. The staff held a welcome reception which was really touching. The day went quickly. That evening I read letters written to me by the students. They wanted me to know all types of special things about Harvard. I smiled as I read their thoughts and opinions.

The next day I looked at real estate in the area. Since Jim had stayed home with the boys, I took pictures and videos to show him the possibilities. We will need to go back up soon to make some decisions.

Meanwhile, Timmy has settled in more each week. He is speaking more English words all the time. Some of his early sayings are:  careful mommy, flower, apple juice, how are you?, one, two, three, Go!, uh oh, oh no!, and Joshua. He hasn't said Jake's name but calls him Jia, Jia.

This weekend, Timmy will turn 3. I am trying to talk with Jake ahead of time to help him to know that this will be Timmy's special day and he can help. I am going to take him shopping to buy a present for his brother. So far, he has commented about how much Timmy would like monster trucks, an Iron Man suit, and other toys that clearly appeal to Jake. :)  He is a smartie.

Tough Medical News

This past Wednesday, Jim and I took Timmy to the Children's Hospital in Philadelphia for a full review of his Spina Bifida. He was a real trooper and barely cried at all. He seemed to like having Baba and me to himself all day (Jake was with Uncle Mike and then in school). The tough news came from the urologist that did a study of Timmy's bladder. The nerve damage shows that Timmy does not have great control over his bladder and bowels. We will have to soon start a regiment of helping through catheterizing and high fiber. There is no surgery to correct this at this time. Surgeries to reroute nerves are still under review.

tired out on the way home

     The good news is that Timmy's lower leg and foot muscles seem barely affected or normal. He is able to run and jump and climb like other two year olds. While I am grateful for the good news, I am sad for how his life will be affected by the nerve damage. We have a lot to learn in the next months and years of his life. We want to give him every advantage possible.

Meeting Grammy and Grandpa

 Timmy met my parents and my sister and her family for the first time today. The meeting was special. My brother Mike and I took the three boys down to their house, and then we all went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. Later, we spent time visiting and keeping track of the boys. They were a bit wild and wound up, but everyone had a nice visit. Timmy agreed to take pictures with them before we headed home. The next time we get together will be for Easter at our house in Lancaster. We will celebrate Timmy's 3rd birthday at the same time.

A Full, Fun Saturday

The change in Timmy has been amazing. He is more and more outgoing. Today we visited market for the first time and despite the crowd, he seemed to have fun. Both boys enjoyed lollipops with whistles attached (what was I thinking?!).

Later in the afternoon, a Chinese friend, Penny,  and her son, Devin, visited us at home. It was wonderful to listen to Timmy converse with them. She exclaimed at how smart he is as he read numbers to 20 in Mandarin and identified animals. He seemed to want to show them all that he knows. He wrote numbers on the art board paper and drew a duck for them. We all enjoyed their visit. The only time Timmy started to get upset was when Penny held him. He may have been afraid that they would take him with them.

Then, Joshua visited in the evening. The children all enjoyed Chinese food for dinner which was a gift from Penny and her son. They all played together and had fun. What a wonderful Saturday!!

Going Back to Work

This week I started back to school. Timmy would begin crying when he saw me starting to get ready in the morning. Each day he and his Baba bonded more and more. Today, Timmy waved goodbye and did not cry! I am so grateful for my family and the close bonds that are forming.

One Week Milestone

Timmy has been home for one week. We are doing a little better each day. Timmy is showing signs of being more comfortable with us. He is sleeping easier, and has transitioned into his own bed to start the night, at least. We really kept things quiet and did not go out to many places with him. About midweek I went out for an hour giving Timmy time to get used to Jim watching him. Then, yesterday I went out for about 3 hours. The guys did pretty well; with Timmy only crying for parts of the time. This weekend, I will go out again to keep repeating the idea that I will go and return. Monday starts my first day back to work, so the bonding will fast tracked then. Jim has been finding ways to interact with Timmy through little games and taking care of some of his needs.

On a funny note... we took the boys to the kid's haircutting place. I was concerned that the experience might be frightening for Timmy, so he watched his brother get his hair cut first. Then, it was Timmy's turn and he began to fall asleep. I ended up holding his head so it wasn't bobbing all over. Obviously, he wasn't afraid. Here is a picture of Timmy and Jake sporting their new haircuts.

Timmy's First Medical Appt.

I took Timmy to his first appt. and he did very well. He looked scared and whimpered some, but he cooperated with every task the doctor asked of him. It helped that she was very gentle with him. We have a great doctor (thanks, Sheri for the recommendation). Once the doctor finished her exam and I was able to dress him, he started laughing and fooling around. He said, "Bye bye" to her before she left.

This will be the first of many upcoming appts. Timmy was born with Spina Bifida; which explains why he became an orphan in a country that keeps healthy, male infants. We are thankful that despite his special needs he is able to run, play around with his brother, and participate like other children. So, how does his condition affect him? He has some nerve damage which affects his control of bowel and bladder muscles. He also has some coordination issues that make him topple over more quickly.

We have a referral to take him to either the Children's Hospital in Philadelphia or Dupont in Delaware. We will call and see which place will see him the soonest. We want to make sure we give him every medical advantage available.

Adjustment Home

This is Jake's 1st picture of our family. The initial meeting and getting along has taken a temporary nosedive. I am surprised that he doesn't have tears in Timmy's eyes or Timmy pushing him away from me or slapping at him. Instead of great jealousy on Jake's part, it is Timmy who does NOT want to share his mama. Whenever Jake jumps into my lap or gets close, Timmy starts to cry and push him. This has been tough on Jake who sadly noted that he thinks Timmy cries because Timmy doesn't like him. We have spent time cuddling Jake, complimenting his gentle reactions, and explaining how scared Timmy is right now.

Today, Jake jumped at the chance to travel to his Grammy and Grampa's house with Uncle Mike and Joshua. This gave Jim and I more time to bond with Timmy who is adjusting to soooo many changes. I am confident that our family will eventually find harmony and peace (and more sleep!).