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| Jake loves Spiderman |
It must always be difficult for parents to admit that their child is tough to raise. I sympathize with all parents who struggle to meet the complex needs of their children. Jim and I admit that Jake is hard to parent (while he is charming too). Last night, I read the book I created from my blog posts of his first year with us. It was somewhat reassuring to see that he has never been easy. Right from month one, he tested boundaries and challenged us as the new adults in his life. His strong will continues. He pushes boundaries, and he can be defiant and disrespectful. We struggle with setting boundaries while helping him to know that he is loved and accepted.
He also melts down at times which shows that he is vulnerable and wounded. We love him dearly and want to help him to develop into a happy young person. Our next step in parenting is to seek professional help from those more familiar with issues related to abandonment and adoption.
Best thing we ever did. I didn't even know how much closer we could become- Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteAs you figure things out along come new stages and new issues to deal with. I once remember my child's old, wise, family doctor saying he or she will try to control the things that he/she can..... because everyone else controls all the other things.
ReplyDeleteLinda - Thank you so much for posting this. You may remember that we brought Markos home just before you traveled. I guess I naively thought that having 3 biological children would have given me the skills I needed to raise an adopted toddler. Wow was I mistaken! Things seem to be getting 'worse" over time for us. I ran across something that said that children don't begin to truly bond with their adoptive families until they have been with them at least as long as they were with their birth family. Markos seems to have followed that timeline almost exactly. I would guess they finally become comfortable enough to start to deal with their adoption trauma. I feel like now, almost 2 years after bringing him home, we actually need all of the "tools" we had prepared in our "toolbox" for when we initially brought him home. We to will be seeking professional help. Hang in there and feel free to jot me a note if you need to vent!
ReplyDeleteHey Linda,
ReplyDeletePlease let me know if I can be of any help! The therapist that we see has been an invaluable resource for our family. She does consultations via Skype from her home in MD if you have trouble finding someone who specializes in trauma/adoption-related needs in young children.
thinking of you....xoxo
Good for you - you gotta do what you gotta do! Your family has gone through a lot since you brought Jake home. Professional help is the way to go!
ReplyDeleteThis makes me cry, Linda. It has been our journey as well with our precious Hannah. We have been in therapy with Life Management Associates in Lancaster for almost two years now, and it has been a slow and difficult journey. It's hard for other parents to understand why your child acts the way he/she does, and why you can't manage their behavior better. They don't understand the lasting physical and emotional impact of early childhood trauma. If you need some good resources, please let me know at janiceb@petrafel.org. Things ARE getting better in our home, and I continue to pray that both your children and mine will be happy and free.
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