Medical Update

Timmy at Boston Children's Hospital

We traveled down as a family on Thursday to have Tim's Spina Bifida evaluation in Boston. The hospital impressed us with a stairway that played music and lots of child friendly areas such as chalkboards and fish tanks. The doctors and nurses were efficient and friendly. The doctor we saw specialized in orthopedic issues. He had Xrays taken of Tim's pelvic area to see how his bones might be affected. The doctor noticed that one of Tim's leg is tighter than the other with smaller calf development. This ankle is less flexible. Also, the Xrays showed some difference in the leg bones. But, they were pleased with his pelvic bones and just said that they would watch the other differences. They were not concerned and seemed pleased with his mobility.
     The next appointment will focus on Tim's bladder and bowel system which at this point seems the most compromised by his condition. We hope for good news. As you can see by this picture, he was a trooper through it all. He kept saying, "That didn't hurt." when we left. We took advantage of  the quality, ethnic restaurants near the hospital. We tried to go to an Ethiopian restaurant, but the one we found didn't open until later in the evening, so we enjoyed Indian instead. Next time we plan to take the train down for an extra experience for the boys.

Timmy's Progress



Timmy is growing up and becoming more and more fluent in English. He picks up nuances of the language and has a funny sense of humor. When he disagrees, sometimes he says "Yes, it Are!" which makes me laugh. I think he looks very American in this photo with his baseball hat, footie pajamas, and eating breakfast at his computer. He likes books and writes the letters of his name mostly in order. He likes school and remembers the names of his friends in class. He adores his brother and often says, "When I get bigger, like Jake....." We are watching him open up and trust more.

Beautiful Fall

Loving Brothers

As the fall colors pop here in MA, I am reminded to stop and notice the leaves. It is tough to pause long enough to appreciate the beauty of the season and the joy of my family. We are very busy with our new jobs. I have a new found respect for my parents who moved from CT to PA with 4 growing children. They left all that they knew to create a new life. This creates a sadness. I miss my family and friends. New joy blends with new pain which is so often the life experience. The boys and Jim remain my biggest area of joy. The boys are such a blessing and we are fortunate to be their parents.

10 Years Ago and Now

Hiking on Mt. Wachusett 9-11-11

On 9/11 I pause to reflect on my life then and now. No one forgets where they were when certain events happened, and this is true of this date. I was in my office at Conestoga Elementary School as a first year principal when my brother called and told me to put on the news. I opened my computer to live TV and watched the second plane hit the twin towers. We were speechless, and then expressed our shock to each other. I quickly thought about the rest of my family and then all who would be affected at school. The day was a blur of supporting children, families, teachers, and staff. We waited for more bad news, and it came as two more planes crashed. What an awful day. I remember crying in the weeks afterwards as the news covered heroic and tragic details.

So much has changed in 10 years. My heart is heavy with the countless deaths that have followed: both Americans and people from other countries. The cost of tough decisions. I do not claim wisdom in the details, but know that now I feel these tragedies with the new awareness of motherhood. What if my boys were in harm's way. How helpless I would feel if they were in the towers, or how helpless I would feel if we lived in one of the bombed cities of another country. I pray for peace and happiness for my children and all the children of the world.

Yes! I am their mother!

Last week I took the boys to the library for library cards. The woman behind the counter asked two times if I was their mother. What did she think? I was babysitting? Or found two random toddlers on the sidewalk and brought them into the library?
Another adoption related experience has happened a number of times. The boys, particularly Jake, will wander just far enough ahead of us that concerned adults will look frantically around for his parents. Not seeing other African-Americans they assume he is lost. Meanwhile, we are right nearby. We have to speak up and say, "He is our son." for them to stop looking around for his parents.

A Hard Truth

Jake loves Spiderman

It must always be difficult for parents to admit that their child is tough to raise. I sympathize with all parents who struggle to meet the complex needs of their children. Jim and I admit that Jake is hard to parent (while he is charming too). Last night, I read the book I created from my blog posts of his first year with us. It was somewhat reassuring to see that he has never been easy. Right from month one, he tested boundaries and challenged us as the new adults in his life. His strong will continues. He pushes boundaries, and he can be defiant and disrespectful. We struggle with setting boundaries while helping him to know that he is loved and accepted.

He also melts down at times which shows that he is vulnerable and wounded. We love him dearly and want to help him to develop into a happy young person. Our next step in parenting is to seek professional help from those more familiar with issues related to abandonment and adoption.

Brotherly Love

Brotherly Love; August 2011

Jake and Timmy are becoming best friends. I love to listen to them talking to each other, and seeing their random acts of love. Recently, after getting their hair cuts, they hugged each other in the salon afterwards. When Timmy was sick in the car, Jake reached out to hold his hand and asked if he was ok. Just today when they were both napping on our bed, Timmy woke up first and leaned over and kissed Jake. Their getting along far outweighs their skirmishes. I am grateful that they have each other.

A Painful Reality

Mike with Jake at the Red Rose Race in June 2011

My brother Mike has been my best friend all of my life. Just one year apart, we shared a room and bunk beds as kids. We were called "the little ones" in my Dad's bedtime prayers. Through the years we shared innocent childhoods, crazy teenage years, and then we reconnected when Mike moved to Lancaster to attend Millersville University. We shared conversations and milestones that were heartbreaking and joyful. For the past 4 years, we ended up only blocks away from each other. We shared lots of similar interests such as running, skiing, education, reading and our children.

 As we waited to adopt our two boys, we loved spending time with his son, Joshua. Then after coming home, Jake, Timmy and Joshua shared many play dates. One of the sad parts of moving hundreds of miles north, is the distance this puts between Mike and me and our families. Luckily we have phone calls, Skype, and visits to keep us connected. But, I miss the impromptu visits and weekly face to face connections.

A Day at the Beach (Jim's words)

Here is Jim's reflection on our day at the MA beach:

Wingaersheek Beach

by James S. Dwight on Saturday, July 16, 2011 at 6:41pm

An incredible day at the beach, Wingaersheek to be precise, near Gloucester, MA. The water was just chilly enough to make that first total immersion something sublime, on the edge of agony and ecstasy. The water was shallow due to massive sandbars, so the boys could enjoy going out pretty far. Granite boulders flung into the ocean were perfect for escaping the water, jumping off, exploring, and generally goofing around. The sand was pristine white, but next to some truly wondrous salt marshes. The marina was close enough to see fishing, motor, and sail boats, but not so close to be loud and cause many wakes. I pointed out lighthouses, drawbridges, and sailboats to my sons with that electric sensation of seeing them through their eyes. The air was just warm enough to want a dip now and then, but the breeze made the air temp perfect for reading a book. After swimming and sandcastle building, we headed into Gloucester for an incredible Italian gourmet meal. The staff welcomed the boys, not shunning 2 three year olds that a snobby place would. Linda and I shared some Sam Adams Summer Ales -- so tasty, while the boys slurred on Sunkist orange sodas. Afterwards, we headed out the quaint fishing village turned haute couture tourist seafood spot for a couple gelatos: hazelnut and coffee. Of course, the sugar junkies stole the ice cream from the adults, but we had our coffees to help us enjoy the sleepy late afternoon vibe on a narrow, twisty town lane. The boys waved hi to a little girl in a window with that childhood innocence that doesn't know that such friendly behavior may be construed as impolite. And the drive back to the mountains only took an hour. As I write, I have to narrow my eyes as the setting sun casts its acute rays through the woods behind my house, casting shadows through the boys playset. An incredible day; I am truly blessed.

Birthday Excitement

Grammy and Grandpa sent Jake a package with a Spiderman theme. He LOVED it. He has been looking forward to his 4th birthday for a while. His list of requested gifts is long enough for us to need a small loan. We are trying to teach him to wait for things that he wants. Next, we have to teach him that there is a reasonable limit to the cost of the items. His official birthday is on the 19th.

Birthdays are a good time to reflect on the past year and a half together. We are so blessed to be his parents. He is FULL of life and adventure. We have our hands full with trying to ensure that he listens and shows respect while showing him lots of love and acceptance.

He brings lots of joy to our family through his antics. Some of the latest include climbing door frames to the top with is feet on either side, posing for pictures like a pro, and saying "that's cool, huh?" to his brother as he demonstrates daring jumps or new tricks. He loves anything electronic and plays Wii games and iPhone games easily and often.

Jake likes to ask questions. He has started to ask more about his adoption. Recently, I overheard him talking to his Ababa about the fact that their skin doesn't match. Jim lovingly explained the reason to him. We keep the adoption dialogue open and have pictures of his first family in his room. We hope to connect with other adoptive families to provide other examples of mixed race families. As Jake grows, we hope to provide the love and structure he needs to find his own identity and place in this complicated world.