Joy!

Timmy's History

Timmy with his Chinese Baba

Timmy with his Chinese Mama

     I just opened a treasure of an e-mail from Tim's foster parents (with 6 pictures). We are so fortunate to have e-mail contact with them. It is evident from the pictures and their notes that they loved him very much. They miss him a lot. I cannot imagine the heartache of raising a son for two years to then have to send him across the ocean to a new world. His close bond with them helped him to bond with us. We are grateful and humbled by all that they invested in his life.
     Supposedly, Timmy would not have been able to stay with them past a certain age. Then, he would have returned to the orphanage and an unknown future. We are fortunate that this family chose to do the hard work of fostering. We share our son with them, and hope to bring Timmy back to visit with them when he is older.

Medical Update

Timmy at Boston Children's Hospital

We traveled down as a family on Thursday to have Tim's Spina Bifida evaluation in Boston. The hospital impressed us with a stairway that played music and lots of child friendly areas such as chalkboards and fish tanks. The doctors and nurses were efficient and friendly. The doctor we saw specialized in orthopedic issues. He had Xrays taken of Tim's pelvic area to see how his bones might be affected. The doctor noticed that one of Tim's leg is tighter than the other with smaller calf development. This ankle is less flexible. Also, the Xrays showed some difference in the leg bones. But, they were pleased with his pelvic bones and just said that they would watch the other differences. They were not concerned and seemed pleased with his mobility.
     The next appointment will focus on Tim's bladder and bowel system which at this point seems the most compromised by his condition. We hope for good news. As you can see by this picture, he was a trooper through it all. He kept saying, "That didn't hurt." when we left. We took advantage of  the quality, ethnic restaurants near the hospital. We tried to go to an Ethiopian restaurant, but the one we found didn't open until later in the evening, so we enjoyed Indian instead. Next time we plan to take the train down for an extra experience for the boys.

Timmy's Progress



Timmy is growing up and becoming more and more fluent in English. He picks up nuances of the language and has a funny sense of humor. When he disagrees, sometimes he says "Yes, it Are!" which makes me laugh. I think he looks very American in this photo with his baseball hat, footie pajamas, and eating breakfast at his computer. He likes books and writes the letters of his name mostly in order. He likes school and remembers the names of his friends in class. He adores his brother and often says, "When I get bigger, like Jake....." We are watching him open up and trust more.

Beautiful Fall

Loving Brothers

As the fall colors pop here in MA, I am reminded to stop and notice the leaves. It is tough to pause long enough to appreciate the beauty of the season and the joy of my family. We are very busy with our new jobs. I have a new found respect for my parents who moved from CT to PA with 4 growing children. They left all that they knew to create a new life. This creates a sadness. I miss my family and friends. New joy blends with new pain which is so often the life experience. The boys and Jim remain my biggest area of joy. The boys are such a blessing and we are fortunate to be their parents.

10 Years Ago and Now

Hiking on Mt. Wachusett 9-11-11

On 9/11 I pause to reflect on my life then and now. No one forgets where they were when certain events happened, and this is true of this date. I was in my office at Conestoga Elementary School as a first year principal when my brother called and told me to put on the news. I opened my computer to live TV and watched the second plane hit the twin towers. We were speechless, and then expressed our shock to each other. I quickly thought about the rest of my family and then all who would be affected at school. The day was a blur of supporting children, families, teachers, and staff. We waited for more bad news, and it came as two more planes crashed. What an awful day. I remember crying in the weeks afterwards as the news covered heroic and tragic details.

So much has changed in 10 years. My heart is heavy with the countless deaths that have followed: both Americans and people from other countries. The cost of tough decisions. I do not claim wisdom in the details, but know that now I feel these tragedies with the new awareness of motherhood. What if my boys were in harm's way. How helpless I would feel if they were in the towers, or how helpless I would feel if we lived in one of the bombed cities of another country. I pray for peace and happiness for my children and all the children of the world.

Yes! I am their mother!

Last week I took the boys to the library for library cards. The woman behind the counter asked two times if I was their mother. What did she think? I was babysitting? Or found two random toddlers on the sidewalk and brought them into the library?
Another adoption related experience has happened a number of times. The boys, particularly Jake, will wander just far enough ahead of us that concerned adults will look frantically around for his parents. Not seeing other African-Americans they assume he is lost. Meanwhile, we are right nearby. We have to speak up and say, "He is our son." for them to stop looking around for his parents.

A Hard Truth

Jake loves Spiderman

It must always be difficult for parents to admit that their child is tough to raise. I sympathize with all parents who struggle to meet the complex needs of their children. Jim and I admit that Jake is hard to parent (while he is charming too). Last night, I read the book I created from my blog posts of his first year with us. It was somewhat reassuring to see that he has never been easy. Right from month one, he tested boundaries and challenged us as the new adults in his life. His strong will continues. He pushes boundaries, and he can be defiant and disrespectful. We struggle with setting boundaries while helping him to know that he is loved and accepted.

He also melts down at times which shows that he is vulnerable and wounded. We love him dearly and want to help him to develop into a happy young person. Our next step in parenting is to seek professional help from those more familiar with issues related to abandonment and adoption.

Brotherly Love

Brotherly Love; August 2011

Jake and Timmy are becoming best friends. I love to listen to them talking to each other, and seeing their random acts of love. Recently, after getting their hair cuts, they hugged each other in the salon afterwards. When Timmy was sick in the car, Jake reached out to hold his hand and asked if he was ok. Just today when they were both napping on our bed, Timmy woke up first and leaned over and kissed Jake. Their getting along far outweighs their skirmishes. I am grateful that they have each other.

A Painful Reality

Mike with Jake at the Red Rose Race in June 2011

My brother Mike has been my best friend all of my life. Just one year apart, we shared a room and bunk beds as kids. We were called "the little ones" in my Dad's bedtime prayers. Through the years we shared innocent childhoods, crazy teenage years, and then we reconnected when Mike moved to Lancaster to attend Millersville University. We shared conversations and milestones that were heartbreaking and joyful. For the past 4 years, we ended up only blocks away from each other. We shared lots of similar interests such as running, skiing, education, reading and our children.

 As we waited to adopt our two boys, we loved spending time with his son, Joshua. Then after coming home, Jake, Timmy and Joshua shared many play dates. One of the sad parts of moving hundreds of miles north, is the distance this puts between Mike and me and our families. Luckily we have phone calls, Skype, and visits to keep us connected. But, I miss the impromptu visits and weekly face to face connections.