10 Years Ago and Now

Hiking on Mt. Wachusett 9-11-11

On 9/11 I pause to reflect on my life then and now. No one forgets where they were when certain events happened, and this is true of this date. I was in my office at Conestoga Elementary School as a first year principal when my brother called and told me to put on the news. I opened my computer to live TV and watched the second plane hit the twin towers. We were speechless, and then expressed our shock to each other. I quickly thought about the rest of my family and then all who would be affected at school. The day was a blur of supporting children, families, teachers, and staff. We waited for more bad news, and it came as two more planes crashed. What an awful day. I remember crying in the weeks afterwards as the news covered heroic and tragic details.

So much has changed in 10 years. My heart is heavy with the countless deaths that have followed: both Americans and people from other countries. The cost of tough decisions. I do not claim wisdom in the details, but know that now I feel these tragedies with the new awareness of motherhood. What if my boys were in harm's way. How helpless I would feel if they were in the towers, or how helpless I would feel if we lived in one of the bombed cities of another country. I pray for peace and happiness for my children and all the children of the world.

Yes! I am their mother!

Last week I took the boys to the library for library cards. The woman behind the counter asked two times if I was their mother. What did she think? I was babysitting? Or found two random toddlers on the sidewalk and brought them into the library?
Another adoption related experience has happened a number of times. The boys, particularly Jake, will wander just far enough ahead of us that concerned adults will look frantically around for his parents. Not seeing other African-Americans they assume he is lost. Meanwhile, we are right nearby. We have to speak up and say, "He is our son." for them to stop looking around for his parents.

A Hard Truth

Jake loves Spiderman

It must always be difficult for parents to admit that their child is tough to raise. I sympathize with all parents who struggle to meet the complex needs of their children. Jim and I admit that Jake is hard to parent (while he is charming too). Last night, I read the book I created from my blog posts of his first year with us. It was somewhat reassuring to see that he has never been easy. Right from month one, he tested boundaries and challenged us as the new adults in his life. His strong will continues. He pushes boundaries, and he can be defiant and disrespectful. We struggle with setting boundaries while helping him to know that he is loved and accepted.

He also melts down at times which shows that he is vulnerable and wounded. We love him dearly and want to help him to develop into a happy young person. Our next step in parenting is to seek professional help from those more familiar with issues related to abandonment and adoption.

Brotherly Love

Brotherly Love; August 2011

Jake and Timmy are becoming best friends. I love to listen to them talking to each other, and seeing their random acts of love. Recently, after getting their hair cuts, they hugged each other in the salon afterwards. When Timmy was sick in the car, Jake reached out to hold his hand and asked if he was ok. Just today when they were both napping on our bed, Timmy woke up first and leaned over and kissed Jake. Their getting along far outweighs their skirmishes. I am grateful that they have each other.

A Painful Reality

Mike with Jake at the Red Rose Race in June 2011

My brother Mike has been my best friend all of my life. Just one year apart, we shared a room and bunk beds as kids. We were called "the little ones" in my Dad's bedtime prayers. Through the years we shared innocent childhoods, crazy teenage years, and then we reconnected when Mike moved to Lancaster to attend Millersville University. We shared conversations and milestones that were heartbreaking and joyful. For the past 4 years, we ended up only blocks away from each other. We shared lots of similar interests such as running, skiing, education, reading and our children.

 As we waited to adopt our two boys, we loved spending time with his son, Joshua. Then after coming home, Jake, Timmy and Joshua shared many play dates. One of the sad parts of moving hundreds of miles north, is the distance this puts between Mike and me and our families. Luckily we have phone calls, Skype, and visits to keep us connected. But, I miss the impromptu visits and weekly face to face connections.

A Day at the Beach (Jim's words)

Here is Jim's reflection on our day at the MA beach:

Wingaersheek Beach

by James S. Dwight on Saturday, July 16, 2011 at 6:41pm

An incredible day at the beach, Wingaersheek to be precise, near Gloucester, MA. The water was just chilly enough to make that first total immersion something sublime, on the edge of agony and ecstasy. The water was shallow due to massive sandbars, so the boys could enjoy going out pretty far. Granite boulders flung into the ocean were perfect for escaping the water, jumping off, exploring, and generally goofing around. The sand was pristine white, but next to some truly wondrous salt marshes. The marina was close enough to see fishing, motor, and sail boats, but not so close to be loud and cause many wakes. I pointed out lighthouses, drawbridges, and sailboats to my sons with that electric sensation of seeing them through their eyes. The air was just warm enough to want a dip now and then, but the breeze made the air temp perfect for reading a book. After swimming and sandcastle building, we headed into Gloucester for an incredible Italian gourmet meal. The staff welcomed the boys, not shunning 2 three year olds that a snobby place would. Linda and I shared some Sam Adams Summer Ales -- so tasty, while the boys slurred on Sunkist orange sodas. Afterwards, we headed out the quaint fishing village turned haute couture tourist seafood spot for a couple gelatos: hazelnut and coffee. Of course, the sugar junkies stole the ice cream from the adults, but we had our coffees to help us enjoy the sleepy late afternoon vibe on a narrow, twisty town lane. The boys waved hi to a little girl in a window with that childhood innocence that doesn't know that such friendly behavior may be construed as impolite. And the drive back to the mountains only took an hour. As I write, I have to narrow my eyes as the setting sun casts its acute rays through the woods behind my house, casting shadows through the boys playset. An incredible day; I am truly blessed.

Birthday Excitement

Grammy and Grandpa sent Jake a package with a Spiderman theme. He LOVED it. He has been looking forward to his 4th birthday for a while. His list of requested gifts is long enough for us to need a small loan. We are trying to teach him to wait for things that he wants. Next, we have to teach him that there is a reasonable limit to the cost of the items. His official birthday is on the 19th.

Birthdays are a good time to reflect on the past year and a half together. We are so blessed to be his parents. He is FULL of life and adventure. We have our hands full with trying to ensure that he listens and shows respect while showing him lots of love and acceptance.

He brings lots of joy to our family through his antics. Some of the latest include climbing door frames to the top with is feet on either side, posing for pictures like a pro, and saying "that's cool, huh?" to his brother as he demonstrates daring jumps or new tricks. He loves anything electronic and plays Wii games and iPhone games easily and often.

Jake likes to ask questions. He has started to ask more about his adoption. Recently, I overheard him talking to his Ababa about the fact that their skin doesn't match. Jim lovingly explained the reason to him. We keep the adoption dialogue open and have pictures of his first family in his room. We hope to connect with other adoptive families to provide other examples of mixed race families. As Jake grows, we hope to provide the love and structure he needs to find his own identity and place in this complicated world.

Simple Pleasures in Life

Timmy and Jake on their new playset.

Grandpa saying grace with his grandsons.

Where to start?

So much has happened in the last few weeks. The biggest news is that we have moved into our new house in Massachusetts. The boys are adjusting well and love their new room and the playset in the yard. We are busy unpacking boxes and determining where to put the furniture. The process has been fun and exhausting.
We were fortunate to have some of our family travel up the first weekend. Bernadette organized the kitchen, while Grandpa put together Timmy's bed. Mike helped load a truck with more boxes from PA and brought them up. Joshua played with Jake and Timmy. It was wonderful to have them all here to celebrate with us.
I started my new job and everyone has been so welcoming and friendly. I am meeting many people and starting to prepare for the upcoming school year. Meanwhile, Jim has an interview to adjunct at a local collage. We are excited to begin this part of our journey.

Lots of Tough Goodbyes

The cake from the party at school.

Jake saying goodbye to Rachel, my Administrative Assistant

This is even harder than I imagined. Funny how conflicting feelings vie for front row and leave me exhausted. While excited to move to MA and start a new adventure with Jim and the boys, we realize all that we are leaving behind. For me - I came to Lancaster County as an 18 year old college student and I have lived here ever since. My student teaching experience in college paired me with Linda Depro, my dear friend and mentor from Pequea Valley. We shared breakfast together last week and said a temporary goodbye (we plan to see each other again). These temporary goodbyes have gone on and on; each one paining my heart.

Before school ended the faculty and staff held a lovely goodbye party. Friends were invited to say goodbye to our head custodian (retiring), my administrative assistant (retiring), and me. It was a wonderful drop-in which included Jim and the boys. A few days later, I showed a video that I had prepared as a goodbye to them. I was truly blessed to work with such a caring and professional group of educators and support staff. We made an awesome team as represented by the reoccurring theme of geese flying in the V formation.

They put together several meaningful gifts that will touch my heart for the rest of my life. One was a huge album of sentiments from adults and students. The creativity and heart felt messages bring tears to my eyes each time I open it. They also created a beautiful sign using letters from school projects done under my leadership years at Salisbury. These gifts will remind me of the most meaningful aspects to leading - the relationships.

I learned that while our gains in achievement helped all of us feel proud and excited, the smallest connections made the biggest impact. Time and time again, I read in their cards how conversations, words of support, and recognition meant the most to them. They recalled situations that took me by surprise because of the seemingly insignificance. But, those times meant the most to them, and they wanted me to know that I had made a difference. How humbling and inspiring. May these remembrances serve me well as I create new relationships in MA. I will never forget my dear friends and colleagues.