To Ethiopia, China and Back

2012-01-28T04:47:00.001-08:00

The Boys Skiing; (Jake is first, even though I call him Timmy ;)

We are taking advantage of living in New England by taking some ski vacations. The boy spent 3 days at a camp learning the basics. Jake became a blue level skier and Tim became independent. They both enjoyed the lessons despite the very cold temperatures. Our next adventure is to Sugar Loaf in Maine in a few weeks. Let's hope they have more snow then we have in MA.

Timmy's First Christmas

2011-12-17T06:22:00.000-08:00

Outside church for the Harvard tree lighting.

Lunch with Santa was a success!

Two Years Ago!

2011-12-04T13:47:00.000-08:00

Two years ago we met Melkamu Tamene for the first time. The moments are still so clear in my memory. After months and months of waiting, we drove up to the gate of his care center. The children were playing outside and each of us craned our necks to "find" our child in the crowd. I was sure I spotted him and excitedly pointed him out to Jim. Before we could see him clearly, the nannies whisked them inside the building. They wanted to set up our first meeting and record it for us on video. The minutes that we took off our shoes, entered the building and waited our turn, seemed like eternity.

Then, they called our names and we mounted the steps, crying and smiling at the same time. At the top of the steps we entered a room full of children. There was our son, playing with the other children being told by the nannies that we were there for him. He came right over and I scooped him into my lap. We played with him showing him books and toys. I kissed his head and held him tight. The other children tried to climb on us too and immediately Melkamu became possessive of us, pushing the others away. While my heart ached for the other children, I knew their parents would soon be there for them.

We moved from that room to a more private setting outside. I remember the sunshine and his charming antics. He laughed and charmed us right away.

Melkamu Tamene - 2 years old

Jacob Melkamu Tamene Dwight- 4 years old

Joy!

2011-11-15T17:32:00.000-08:00

Timmy's History

2011-11-06T14:49:00.000-08:00

Timmy with his Chinese Baba

Timmy with his Chinese Mama

I just opened a treasure of an e-mail from Tim's foster parents (with 6 pictures). We are so fortunate to have e-mail contact with them. It is evident from the pictures and their notes that they loved him very much. They miss him a lot. I cannot imagine the heartache of raising a son for two years to then have to send him across the ocean to a new world. His close bond with them helped him to bond with us. We are grateful and humbled by all that they invested in his life.
Supposedly, Timmy would not have been able to stay with them past a certain age. Then, he would have returned to the orphanage and an unknown future. We are fortunate that this family chose to do the hard work of fostering. We share our son with them, and hope to bring Timmy back to visit with them when he is older.

Medical Update

2011-10-22T17:04:00.000-07:00

Timmy at Boston Children's Hospital

We traveled down as a family on Thursday to have Tim's Spina Bifida evaluation in Boston. The hospital impressed us with a stairway that played music and lots of child friendly areas such as chalkboards and fish tanks. The doctors and nurses were efficient and friendly. The doctor we saw specialized in orthopedic issues. He had Xrays taken of Tim's pelvic area to see how his bones might be affected. The doctor noticed that one of Tim's leg is tighter than the other with smaller calf development. This ankle is less flexible. Also, the Xrays showed some difference in the leg bones. But, they were pleased with his pelvic bones and just said that they would watch the other differences. They were not concerned and seemed pleased with his mobility.
The next appointment will focus on Tim's bladder and bowel system which at this point seems the most compromised by his condition. We hope for good news. As you can see by this picture, he was a trooper through it all. He kept saying, "That didn't hurt." when we left. We took advantage of the quality, ethnic restaurants near the hospital. We tried to go to an Ethiopian restaurant, but the one we found didn't open until later in the evening, so we enjoyed Indian instead. Next time we plan to take the train down for an extra experience for the boys.

Timmy's Progress

2011-10-18T17:32:00.000-07:00

Timmy is growing up and becoming more and more fluent in English. He picks up nuances of the language and has a funny sense of humor. When he disagrees, sometimes he says "Yes, it Are!" which makes me laugh. I think he looks very American in this photo with his baseball hat, footie pajamas, and eating breakfast at his computer. He likes books and writes the letters of his name mostly in order. He likes school and remembers the names of his friends in class. He adores his brother and often says, "When I get bigger, like Jake....." We are watching him open up and trust more.

Beautiful Fall

2011-10-13T17:09:00.000-07:00

Loving Brothers

As the fall colors pop here in MA, I am reminded to stop and notice the leaves. It is tough to pause long enough to appreciate the beauty of the season and the joy of my family. We are very busy with our new jobs. I have a new found respect for my parents who moved from CT to PA with 4 growing children. They left all that they knew to create a new life. This creates a sadness. I miss my family and friends. New joy blends with new pain which is so often the life experience. The boys and Jim remain my biggest area of joy. The boys are such a blessing and we are fortunate to be their parents.

10 Years Ago and Now

2011-09-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Hiking on Mt. Wachusett 9-11-11

On 9/11 I pause to reflect on my life then and now. No one forgets where they were when certain events happened, and this is true of this date. I was in my office at Conestoga Elementary School as a first year principal when my brother called and told me to put on the news. I opened my computer to live TV and watched the second plane hit the twin towers. We were speechless, and then expressed our shock to each other. I quickly thought about the rest of my family and then all who would be affected at school. The day was a blur of supporting children, families, teachers, and staff. We waited for more bad news, and it came as two more planes crashed. What an awful day. I remember crying in the weeks afterwards as the news covered heroic and tragic details.

So much has changed in 10 years. My heart is heavy with the countless deaths that have followed: both Americans and people from other countries. The cost of tough decisions. I do not claim wisdom in the details, but know that now I feel these tragedies with the new awareness of motherhood. What if my boys were in harm's way. How helpless I would feel if they were in the towers, or how helpless I would feel if we lived in one of the bombed cities of another country. I pray for peace and happiness for my children and all the children of the world.

Yes! I am their mother!

2011-09-03T16:52:00.000-07:00

Last week I took the boys to the library for library cards. The woman behind the counter asked two times if I was their mother. What did she think? I was babysitting? Or found two random toddlers on the sidewalk and brought them into the library?
Another adoption related experience has happened a number of times. The boys, particularly Jake, will wander just far enough ahead of us that concerned adults will look frantically around for his parents. Not seeing other African-Americans they assume he is lost. Meanwhile, we are right nearby. We have to speak up and say, "He is our son." for them to stop looking around for his parents.

A Hard Truth

2011-08-21T17:02:00.000-07:00

Jake loves Spiderman

It must always be difficult for parents to admit that their child is tough to raise. I sympathize with all parents who struggle to meet the complex needs of their children. Jim and I admit that Jake is hard to parent (while he is charming too). Last night, I read the book I created from my blog posts of his first year with us. It was somewhat reassuring to see that he has never been easy. Right from month one, he tested boundaries and challenged us as the new adults in his life. His strong will continues. He pushes boundaries, and he can be defiant and disrespectful. We struggle with setting boundaries while helping him to know that he is loved and accepted.

He also melts down at times which shows that he is vulnerable and wounded. We love him dearly and want to help him to develop into a happy young person. Our next step in parenting is to seek professional help from those more familiar with issues related to abandonment and adoption.

Brotherly Love

2011-08-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

Brotherly Love; August 2011

Jake and Timmy are becoming best friends. I love to listen to them talking to each other, and seeing their random acts of love. Recently, after getting their hair cuts, they hugged each other in the salon afterwards. When Timmy was sick in the car, Jake reached out to hold his hand and asked if he was ok. Just today when they were both napping on our bed, Timmy woke up first and leaned over and kissed Jake. Their getting along far outweighs their skirmishes. I am grateful that they have each other.

A Painful Reality

2011-08-02T17:32:00.000-07:00

Mike with Jake at the Red Rose Race in June 2011

My brother Mike has been my best friend all of my life. Just one year apart, we shared a room and bunk beds as kids. We were called "the little ones" in my Dad's bedtime prayers. Through the years we shared innocent childhoods, crazy teenage years, and then we reconnected when Mike moved to Lancaster to attend Millersville University. We shared conversations and milestones that were heartbreaking and joyful. For the past 4 years, we ended up only blocks away from each other. We shared lots of similar interests such as running, skiing, education, reading and our children.

As we waited to adopt our two boys, we loved spending time with his son, Joshua. Then after coming home, Jake, Timmy and Joshua shared many play dates. One of the sad parts of moving hundreds of miles north, is the distance this puts between Mike and me and our families. Luckily we have phone calls, Skype, and visits to keep us connected. But, I miss the impromptu visits and weekly face to face connections.

A Day at the Beach (Jim's words)

2011-07-22T16:50:00.000-07:00

Here is Jim's reflection on our day at the MA beach:

Wingaersheek Beach

by James S. Dwight on Saturday, July 16, 2011 at 6:41pm

An incredible day at the beach, Wingaersheek to be precise, near Gloucester, MA. The water was just chilly enough to make that first total immersion something sublime, on the edge of agony and ecstasy. The water was shallow due to massive sandbars, so the boys could enjoy going out pretty far. Granite boulders flung into the ocean were perfect for escaping the water, jumping off, exploring, and generally goofing around. The sand was pristine white, but next to some truly wondrous salt marshes. The marina was close enough to see fishing, motor, and sail boats, but not so close to be loud and cause many wakes. I pointed out lighthouses, drawbridges, and sailboats to my sons with that electric sensation of seeing them through their eyes. The air was just warm enough to want a dip now and then, but the breeze made the air temp perfect for reading a book. After swimming and sandcastle building, we headed into Gloucester for an incredible Italian gourmet meal. The staff welcomed the boys, not shunning 2 three year olds that a snobby place would. Linda and I shared some Sam Adams Summer Ales -- so tasty, while the boys slurred on Sunkist orange sodas. Afterwards, we headed out the quaint fishing village turned haute couture tourist seafood spot for a couple gelatos: hazelnut and coffee. Of course, the sugar junkies stole the ice cream from the adults, but we had our coffees to help us enjoy the sleepy late afternoon vibe on a narrow, twisty town lane. The boys waved hi to a little girl in a window with that childhood innocence that doesn't know that such friendly behavior may be construed as impolite. And the drive back to the mountains only took an hour. As I write, I have to narrow my eyes as the setting sun casts its acute rays through the woods behind my house, casting shadows through the boys playset. An incredible day; I am truly blessed.

Birthday Excitement

2011-07-15T12:28:00.000-07:00

Grammy and Grandpa sent Jake a package with a Spiderman theme. He LOVED it. He has been looking forward to his 4th birthday for a while. His list of requested gifts is long enough for us to need a small loan. We are trying to teach him to wait for things that he wants. Next, we have to teach him that there is a reasonable limit to the cost of the items. His official birthday is on the 19th.

Birthdays are a good time to reflect on the past year and a half together. We are so blessed to be his parents. He is FULL of life and adventure. We have our hands full with trying to ensure that he listens and shows respect while showing him lots of love and acceptance.

He brings lots of joy to our family through his antics. Some of the latest include climbing door frames to the top with is feet on either side, posing for pictures like a pro, and saying "that's cool, huh?" to his brother as he demonstrates daring jumps or new tricks. He loves anything electronic and plays Wii games and iPhone games easily and often.

Jake likes to ask questions. He has started to ask more about his adoption. Recently, I overheard him talking to his Ababa about the fact that their skin doesn't match. Jim lovingly explained the reason to him. We keep the adoption dialogue open and have pictures of his first family in his room. We hope to connect with other adoptive families to provide other examples of mixed race families. As Jake grows, we hope to provide the love and structure he needs to find his own identity and place in this complicated world.

Simple Pleasures in Life

2011-07-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

Timmy and Jake on their new playset.

Grandpa saying grace with his grandsons.

Where to start?

2011-07-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

So much has happened in the last few weeks. The biggest news is that we have moved into our new house in Massachusetts. The boys are adjusting well and love their new room and the playset in the yard. We are busy unpacking boxes and determining where to put the furniture. The process has been fun and exhausting.
We were fortunate to have some of our family travel up the first weekend. Bernadette organized the kitchen, while Grandpa put together Timmy's bed. Mike helped load a truck with more boxes from PA and brought them up. Joshua played with Jake and Timmy. It was wonderful to have them all here to celebrate with us.
I started my new job and everyone has been so welcoming and friendly. I am meeting many people and starting to prepare for the upcoming school year. Meanwhile, Jim has an interview to adjunct at a local collage. We are excited to begin this part of our journey.

Lots of Tough Goodbyes

2011-06-25T11:48:00.000-07:00

The cake from the party at school.

Jake saying goodbye to Rachel, my Administrative Assistant

This is even harder than I imagined. Funny how conflicting feelings vie for front row and leave me exhausted. While excited to move to MA and start a new adventure with Jim and the boys, we realize all that we are leaving behind. For me - I came to Lancaster County as an 18 year old college student and I have lived here ever since. My student teaching experience in college paired me with Linda Depro, my dear friend and mentor from Pequea Valley. We shared breakfast together last week and said a temporary goodbye (we plan to see each other again). These temporary goodbyes have gone on and on; each one paining my heart.

Before school ended the faculty and staff held a lovely goodbye party. Friends were invited to say goodbye to our head custodian (retiring), my administrative assistant (retiring), and me. It was a wonderful drop-in which included Jim and the boys. A few days later, I showed a video that I had prepared as a goodbye to them. I was truly blessed to work with such a caring and professional group of educators and support staff. We made an awesome team as represented by the reoccurring theme of geese flying in the V formation.

They put together several meaningful gifts that will touch my heart for the rest of my life. One was a huge album of sentiments from adults and students. The creativity and heart felt messages bring tears to my eyes each time I open it. They also created a beautiful sign using letters from school projects done under my leadership years at Salisbury. These gifts will remind me of the most meaningful aspects to leading - the relationships.

I learned that while our gains in achievement helped all of us feel proud and excited, the smallest connections made the biggest impact. Time and time again, I read in their cards how conversations, words of support, and recognition meant the most to them. They recalled situations that took me by surprise because of the seemingly insignificance. But, those times meant the most to them, and they wanted me to know that I had made a difference. How humbling and inspiring. May these remembrances serve me well as I create new relationships in MA. I will never forget my dear friends and colleagues.

Moving in 1 Week!

2011-06-22T15:29:00.000-07:00

Here is why I have not updated this blog in a while. We are very, very busy getting ready for our move to MA in 1 week from today. More later....

Jake's First Race

2011-06-04T15:55:00.000-07:00

Lining up for the 1 mile fun run (Red Rose Run)

His running/skip

Jake, Timmy and I walked down to the Red Rose Run to support Uncle Mike. When I saw Jake running to get there, I asked him if he wanted to participate. He did. So 5 minutes after Mike's start, Jake lined up for the 1 mile fun run. He wasn't too sure of this new experience. As older children passed him on the first hill, I heard him start to cry. Luckily, I was running behind him with Tim in the stroller. We caught up and encouraged him to finish. At the 1/2 mile he started skipping and finished the race with a combination of running and skipping. He was proud of himself, but disappointed that he didn't get a gold medal. :) I hope this is the start of a lifetime interest in running. Uncle Mike and I have shared that interest over the years.

My Baby is Growing Up

2011-05-24T13:32:00.000-07:00

Jake Melkamu 2 years old in Ethiopia

Jake 3 years 10 months

Jake is really sprouting up lately. He is losing his baby face and looking more and more like a little boy. He moved from a size 2 to a size 3, where he stayed for almost a year, and now he is a solid size 4. His feet grew larger in the last month. He is full of action and very, very coordinated and sports minded. He is Babas right hand man and LOVES playing physically with him. Don't they have the same ornery smile. I have to grab Jake for hugs or wait until he is almost asleep for snuggling. His joy for action and life brings lots of smiles to our family.

Timmy's Development

2011-05-22T17:52:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, Jim and I took Timmy to our intermediate unit which provides early intervention services. They spent an hour and a half testing his physical and academic development. They even brought in an interpreter to eliminate the issue of language difficulties while asking him to perform tasks. Interestingly, he seemed to prefer English vs his native Mandarin. He turned away from the Chinese interpreter when she tried to help him. It took a while for him to warm up and it still seemed that he understood all of the directions in English.
     The outcome of all of the assessments led them to conclude that he is right on target if not ahead; especially when you consider his adjustments to a whole new culture. We enjoyed watching him laugh and strive hard to please the room full of women doing the assessment. He was quite charming.
     There is no guarantee that a birth child or adopted child will develop on the given timeline. We were prepared to help Timmy in any needed way. It did come as a relief that for now we will focus on his bladder issues and enjoy watching him develop without early intervention services.
     The past 2 1/2 months have been amazing. Timmy's sweet and feisty personality has blessed our lives. He is learning English so quickly. The other morning he was looking at a book with flaps. He clearly said, "Look in here, mommy!" as he opened each one up. The list of words and phrases grows longer each day. I am sure that playing with his big brother Jake has helped speed up the process.

Mother's Day

2011-05-13T19:39:00.000-07:00

Enjoying family time in Aunt Dianne and Uncle Chuck's hottub/pool.

This was my second Mother's Day and my first one as a mother to two boys. I find myself short on time to reflect and less time to write about my reflections. Life is really BUSY; especially right now. When I reflect, I think of how quickly our family has grown. It takes both Jim and me to keep our family moving in a positive direction. The adjustments have not been easy. But, just when we lose our patience or wonder if there is peace in sight, we watch our two boys love each other. One such moment came as we ate dinner at an outside cafe in DC on Mother's Day. Towards the end of our meal, Jake took Timmy's fork and gently began to feed his brother; using kind words to encourage Timmy to eat more. It was a sweet example of Jake's care for his brother. Another example from Mother's Day came from our time in the Air and Space Museum. Both boys picked out a small model airplane. While their Baba paid for the planes, I took the boys into a lobby. They posed for a picture where Timmy looked at his brother in an adoring way. We often watch him follow Jake's lead with excitement.
I am a grateful mother of two amazing boys. Their first mothers cared enough to try and give them access to better health care, more food, a better education, and more opportunities. What a selfless act of love to hand your child over to an uncertain future. Now that they are in my life, I cannot imagine the sacrifice. There is a tremendous responsibility for us to give them all that their parents hoped for them while maintaining their connection to their heritage. I pray for strength and guidance.

Timmy Birthday and Easter

2011-04-26T17:43:00.000-07:00

Timmy and his Thomas cake!

Joshua, Jake and Timmy in their Easter suits

A Family of Four

We enjoyed a busy Easter weekend. It started with Timmy's 3rd birthday on Saturday. We celebrated with Uncle Mike and Aunt Bernadette and Joshua. They brought over cupcakes and pizza. Timmy learned to open gifts with the help of his brother and cousin. Joshua gave him a Thomas train set and Jake gave him a hockey stick. All of the boys had fun playing together.

The next day was Easter and we hosted my family. I wanted a photo shoot before church and Mike helped out. The boys looked so cute in their matching suits. They seemed to like being dressed up and getting so much attention. Then, we all went to church together.

After the service, we had a few hours until my family arrived. I had prepared potatoes and ham and purchased a Thomas cake. Everyone helped out with the rest of the meal. Our house filled up with laughter and love. Timmy enjoyed another birthday celebration.

We will miss our family when we move. We also missed sharing the day with any of Jim's family. This holiday hosting may be the last one for some time. That put a slight sadness into the otherwise wonderful weekend.

A Busy, Busy Spring

2011-04-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

Here is an update on some things going on lately. Last weekend I flew up to MA to spend the day at Hildreth Elementary School. The staff held a welcome reception which was really touching. The day went quickly. That evening I read letters written to me by the students. They wanted me to know all types of special things about Harvard. I smiled as I read their thoughts and opinions.

The next day I looked at real estate in the area. Since Jim had stayed home with the boys, I took pictures and videos to show him the possibilities. We will need to go back up soon to make some decisions.

Meanwhile, Timmy has settled in more each week. He is speaking more English words all the time. Some of his early sayings are: careful mommy, flower, apple juice, how are you?, one, two, three, Go!, uh oh, oh no!, and Joshua. He hasn't said Jake's name but calls him Jia, Jia.

This weekend, Timmy will turn 3. I am trying to talk with Jake ahead of time to help him to know that this will be Timmy's special day and he can help. I am going to take him shopping to buy a present for his brother. So far, he has commented about how much Timmy would like monster trucks, an Iron Man suit, and other toys that clearly appeal to Jake. :) He is a smartie.

Tough Medical News

2011-04-10T11:21:00.000-07:00

This past Wednesday, Jim and I took Timmy to the Children's Hospital in Philadelphia for a full review of his Spina Bifida. He was a real trooper and barely cried at all. He seemed to like having Baba and me to himself all day (Jake was with Uncle Mike and then in school). The tough news came from the urologist that did a study of Timmy's bladder. The nerve damage shows that Timmy does not have great control over his bladder and bowels. We will have to soon start a regiment of helping through catheterizing and high fiber. There is no surgery to correct this at this time. Surgeries to reroute nerves are still under review.

tired out on the way home

The good news is that Timmy's lower leg and foot muscles seem barely affected or normal. He is able to run and jump and climb like other two year olds. While I am grateful for the good news, I am sad for how his life will be affected by the nerve damage. We have a lot to learn in the next months and years of his life. We want to give him every advantage possible.

Meeting Grammy and Grandpa

2011-04-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

Timmy met my parents and my sister and her family for the first time today. The meeting was special. My brother Mike and I took the three boys down to their house, and then we all went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. Later, we spent time visiting and keeping track of the boys. They were a bit wild and wound up, but everyone had a nice visit. Timmy agreed to take pictures with them before we headed home. The next time we get together will be for Easter at our house in Lancaster. We will celebrate Timmy's 3rd birthday at the same time.

A Full, Fun Saturday

2011-03-26T17:50:00.000-07:00

The change in Timmy has been amazing. He is more and more outgoing. Today we visited market for the first time and despite the crowd, he seemed to have fun. Both boys enjoyed lollipops with whistles attached (what was I thinking?!).

Later in the afternoon, a Chinese friend, Penny, and her son, Devin, visited us at home. It was wonderful to listen to Timmy converse with them. She exclaimed at how smart he is as he read numbers to 20 in Mandarin and identified animals. He seemed to want to show them all that he knows. He wrote numbers on the art board paper and drew a duck for them. We all enjoyed their visit. The only time Timmy started to get upset was when Penny held him. He may have been afraid that they would take him with them.

Then, Joshua visited in the evening. The children all enjoyed Chinese food for dinner which was a gift from Penny and her son. They all played together and had fun. What a wonderful Saturday!!

Going Back to Work

2011-03-24T17:49:00.000-07:00

This week I started back to school. Timmy would begin crying when he saw me starting to get ready in the morning. Each day he and his Baba bonded more and more. Today, Timmy waved goodbye and did not cry! I am so grateful for my family and the close bonds that are forming.

One Week Milestone

2011-03-19T05:47:00.000-07:00

Timmy has been home for one week. We are doing a little better each day. Timmy is showing signs of being more comfortable with us. He is sleeping easier, and has transitioned into his own bed to start the night, at least. We really kept things quiet and did not go out to many places with him. About midweek I went out for an hour giving Timmy time to get used to Jim watching him. Then, yesterday I went out for about 3 hours. The guys did pretty well; with Timmy only crying for parts of the time. This weekend, I will go out again to keep repeating the idea that I will go and return. Monday starts my first day back to work, so the bonding will fast tracked then. Jim has been finding ways to interact with Timmy through little games and taking care of some of his needs.

On a funny note... we took the boys to the kid's haircutting place. I was concerned that the experience might be frightening for Timmy, so he watched his brother get his hair cut first. Then, it was Timmy's turn and he began to fall asleep. I ended up holding his head so it wasn't bobbing all over. Obviously, he wasn't afraid. Here is a picture of Timmy and Jake sporting their new haircuts.

Timmy's First Medical Appt.

2011-03-16T03:31:00.000-07:00

I took Timmy to his first appt. and he did very well. He looked scared and whimpered some, but he cooperated with every task the doctor asked of him. It helped that she was very gentle with him. We have a great doctor (thanks, Sheri for the recommendation). Once the doctor finished her exam and I was able to dress him, he started laughing and fooling around. He said, "Bye bye" to her before she left.

This will be the first of many upcoming appts. Timmy was born with Spina Bifida; which explains why he became an orphan in a country that keeps healthy, male infants. We are thankful that despite his special needs he is able to run, play around with his brother, and participate like other children. So, how does his condition affect him? He has some nerve damage which affects his control of bowel and bladder muscles. He also has some coordination issues that make him topple over more quickly.

We have a referral to take him to either the Children's Hospital in Philadelphia or Dupont in Delaware. We will call and see which place will see him the soonest. We want to make sure we give him every medical advantage available.

Adjustment Home

2011-03-14T13:22:00.000-07:00

This is Jake's 1st picture of our family. The initial meeting and getting along has taken a temporary nosedive. I am surprised that he doesn't have tears in Timmy's eyes or Timmy pushing him away from me or slapping at him. Instead of great jealousy on Jake's part, it is Timmy who does NOT want to share his mama. Whenever Jake jumps into my lap or gets close, Timmy starts to cry and push him. This has been tough on Jake who sadly noted that he thinks Timmy cries because Timmy doesn't like him. We have spent time cuddling Jake, complimenting his gentle reactions, and explaining how scared Timmy is right now.

Today, Jake jumped at the chance to travel to his Grammy and Grampa's house with Uncle Mike and Joshua. This gave Jim and I more time to bond with Timmy who is adjusting to soooo many changes. I am confident that our family will eventually find harmony and peace (and more sleep!).

Home Sweet Home

2011-03-13T00:20:00.000-08:00

We are home after a long, tiring travel experience that went pretty well. It was a great joy to watch Timmy meet his Baba and brother, Jake. Jake has been really sweet; telling his brother that he loves him and repeating some words in Mandarin. It was Jake's idea to dress like his brother (thanks, Barb). They played together throughout the day, sometimes chasing each other, play fighting, laughing and getting used to each other. There were also some tears.

Timmy's time schedule has him awake and sleepy at opposite times. Along with time changes, the home and all of the people are new. He wanted me nearby at all times. He took to his Baba and they went for a walk around the block (without me!). They also played with a ball and played hide and seek around some corners.

Timmy met his Uncle Mike, Aunt Bernadette and cousin Joshua in the afternoon. They had gone to a Chinese market in town and picked up some foods that Timmy liked. They also brought him a stuffed koala bear and a book. He seemed to recognize them from the skype sessions and the photo album that I sent over. Thanks, Mike for keeping everyone updated with the postings. :)

We will be taking the week very slowly to allow Timmy time to get comfortable with his new home and new family. He is sure to open up as he becomes familiar with his surroundings. Thank you all for your prayers and support.

2011-03-10T06:08:00.001-08:00

This is our last night in China and I have mixed feelings. I am thrilled to be heading home to my family. But, I am sad for my son and all of his connections and heritage that he leaves behind. I hope that someday he will choose to return and find his foster family. He will have the album of pictures to help him reconnect with them.

We enjoyed a leisurely day with several walks to playgrounds. The parks are full of older Chinese people doing dance moves and exercises. The adults also play a game where they try to keep a small feathered object up in the air by hitting it with their feet and hands. Some of the equipment that the children played on was for adults to exercise. There was a small walking or running track on the boulevard. The Chinese people have many healthy, daily routines.

Timmy has enjoyed playing with a 10 year old girl named Jia Jia (pictured above). Her family is from Alaska and they adopted her from China two years ago. Now, they were returning for an 8 year old brother. The two children communicate in Mandarin and Timmy has been able to join into their conversations. He will miss his new friends when we part tomorrow in Beijing.

Our long journey home begins with a 4+ hour flight to Beijing. Then, we have a four hour layover and then on to Chicago. Interestingly, I will need to take my luggage through customs in Chicago and then pass it back for the last leg to Philadelphia. All together, with the time change, we will be in transit for about 28 hours. Then, home sweet home!!!

2011-03-09T15:43:00.001-08:00

We are all trying to kill time before traveling home. I received Timmy’s Visa today which was the last piece of paperwork I needed before leaving China. Timmy and I and two other families decided to visit the zoo which ended up being a depressing field trip in the rain. It was depressing because the animals live in conditions less favorable than they do in zoos in America. Add that Timmy was too tired to walk and I carried him throughout the depressing zoo in the rain and that sums up the trip.

In contrast, we all enjoyed dinner together at Lucy’s. This was a goodbye dinner for Scott and his daughter Aislinn who fly out tomorrow. One by one the group is breaking up and each of us is heading home to a different state in America.

Tonight when I skyped with Jim and Jake, Timmy shared his Chinese toy which plays music. Jake danced around and repeated the tune. This was the first time the two boys interacted with each other playfully across the distance. I cannot wait to see them play together.

Timmy seems happier each day. Today he napped for 2 ½ hours and woke up without crying. He is avoiding bedtime at night which seems typical of any 3 year old. He has begun to enjoy playing with other children along on the trip. Sadly, today he locked himself into our hotel room bathroom while playing around with another older child. It was a scary few minutes for him while we waited for the housekeeper to unlock the door with her key. While he was stuck in there, he kept calling for me, his Mama. I talked with him and soothed him afterwards. He cried for a little while and then jumped down to play again.

2011-03-08T06:25:00.000-08:00

Today was the day that Timmy was sworn in as a US citizen. Well, the parents actually take the oath for their children. We are not able to take cameras into the US consulate building, so I do not have it documented on film. But, Timmy wore a traditional Chinese shirt and jeans.

Later in the day, the families gathered for a traditional red couch picture. The children wear traditional outfits for the picture, and then wonder why they are being tortured with a hundred flashing cameras. (see their faces) Some of the group members are starting for home, so this is the last formal event.

Another milestone today with Timmy; he has started calling me Mama. I learned a few days ago that he was calling me his nanny in Chinese. This made me sad, as it showed the level of his confusion. We are not out of the confusing times for him, as he continues to wake up from his naps and cry for a while. He has also been crying out in his sleep at night. Only time and comfort will see him through.

As the days go on, home seems closer and closer!

2011-03-06T06:28:00.000-08:00

In 5 days we will travel home. I am ready to see the rest of my family!

Timmy is having a very good day. We opted out of the tour to a Buddhist Temple and arts center. Instead we took a long walk with another CCAI family. Timmy liked running ahead and checking back to see if I was nearby. This is a big step from needing me to hold him all the time. He HATES the stroller, so when he is tired of walking, I still have to carry him. I thought a stroller would be perfect, and the stores all around the White Swan loan them out to adoptive families for the week; in hopes that you will shop in their store. So, I have a great toddler stroller and he screams every time I try to sit him in it.

I am learning about his sense of humor. He has a wicked, silly grin and a great giggle. We play games of hide and seek and tickling in the room and he lets out some great laughs. His first English words have been “oh no” in response to games on the iphone. He also says uh oh and he is repeating the English names of animals on the app. Peek A Boo Barn.

He still cries deeply at times; especially when he awakes from his nap. The pain of his separation from his foster family will take a long time to heal. Meanwhile, I got my first kiss from him this morning. The sweet trust of this boy is such an incredible gift. We are blessed!

2011-03-06T05:03:00.000-08:00

March 5, 2011 (Linda's post from Saturday)

Timmy is full of surprises. Instead of being scared at the airport, he was excited about the airplanes. I thought his Grandpa would have enjoyed his excitement about flying (Grampa Schmelder is a pilot). Timmy’s excitement continued as he ran down the entry way and onto the plane. After takeoff he fell asleep for most of the two hour flight.

He seems to have settled some things in his mind and therefore he is happier and becoming more independent. This morning we all had to walk to the medical clinic. Timmy did well in the very crowded room with lots of children crying. This is apparently the one clinic that has to see every child being adopted from China. There were families from all over using lots of different agencies.

That is a change with this final hotel stay. There are many adoptive families staying here. The hotel, named the White Swan, has been used by adoptive families since China opened for international adoptions in 1992. The rooms are clean and comfortable and mine looks out over the Pearl River. I am looking forward to exploring this small island with Timmy as we enjoy the 75 degree weather.

Day 4

2011-03-04T07:36:00.000-08:00

Last night Timmy slept better with only a little whimpering every once in a while. Since the first night, he continues to grind his teeth. I expect this comes from his nervousness about all of the changes. I hadn’t known that a toddler might react to stress in this way.

Unfortunately more change is on the way. While he naps I am going to pack up our things for today’s flight to southern China. I practiced wearing the sling because he wants to be held so much in new situations. The sling will help to save my back in the airport. I used it with Jake too when we first picked him up.

He is happier today and he is being more ornery (which I welcome!). While I was in the shower he pulled a snickers bar out of the room refrigerator. Also, he has been throwing things and watching my reaction. For now, I am taking it as a game and laughing with him. Later there will be time for setting boundaries. I did say “no” in Chinese when he went to dump the bubble solution on the floor. Another good sign is that he is eating more. Beside junk food, which he is a fan of, he ate dumplings and noodles for lunch.

Let’s hope all of the children in our group make the transition to the next hotel as smoothly as possible.

Tough Day

2011-03-03T06:54:00.000-08:00

Roughest day yet. Timmy is starting to realize that he isn’t going back to his foster family. He has cried deep, soul wrenching sobs several times today and throughout the past night. All I can do is hold him through it. In between we have some smiles, but mostly he is sad, sad, sad. I learned that he spent the last two years with his foster family. He believes they are his family and he does not understand that he cannot stay with them by law. The grief is a necessary step, but really hard. Several of the adoptive families are struggling today because the children have down time and they are beginning to understand that this change isn’t temporary.

Quiet Day

2011-03-02T03:28:00.000-08:00

Today was a day for relaxing with no appointments. There were some optional tours, but I thought it best to stay here for the day. Timmy is the most comfortable in our room. In fact he smiles when he sees the door. He has started to become more curious. He LOVES taking pictures with the camera. And, he has hit every button in the hotel room. He is also learning to play the toddler games on the iPhone J.

Last night he snuggled in to me for the first time. I think he knows that I am here to take care of him. As the CCAI founder said, at first they will consider you the best Nanny they ever had. I might just be reaching that point with him.

2011-03-01T20:11:00.000-08:00

Timmy woke up feeling better. He has not had a fever all day. I am giving him medicine just as a precaution. He napped for about an hour and now he is putting stickers onto foam (thanks, LeeAnn). We were finally able to Skype with Jim and Jake. Timmy seemed to enjoy seeing them, and showed this with some cute smiles. He recognizes them from the album that I sent over before I traveled. He said the word for brother when Jake spoke to him. He also said Baba when he saw Jim. How heartwarming!

In about an hour we are going to a local Walmart for supplies. There are several things that I didn’t think to pack that I plan to pick up. One of the items is a sippy cup. Timmy is delayed with his eating and drinking skills. This may be from group living where he may not have had a lot of experience with different foods. From the pictures of his foster family, I don’t think he was with them more than a year. That means that his first 2 years may have been spent in the orphanage. He is tentative about trying new things. I am sure part of that is his very new transition to me. It is fun to watch his baby steps towards trust. Today he wanted to sit on my lap and raised his arms for me to pick him up.

Day 1 - Part Two

2011-02-28T04:30:00.000-08:00

This day deserves two posts. As it goes with adoption – there are ups and downs. We went from a great first meeting to a tough day. Timmy has been sick with a 102.9 degree temperature, and he threw up all over me and himself during a meeting. The CCAI representatives went with me to the hotel clinic and later picked up prescription drugs. They want him to take them to prevent him from getting any worse before traveling. Right now he is sleeping, so I am hoping that after a full night’s sleep we are both feeling better.

The travel group has been great. There is a small group of us that helps each other out. They have stepped in to provide medicine, food, and lots of moral support during this first day. I really appreciate their help and friendship.

Our Son!

2011-02-28T03:10:00.000-08:00

I now have our son! He is resting in the bed while I type. He is very quiet and shy. The morning was an amazing experience. We arrived at the office and before we even had time to set our things down, a van pulled up with our children inside. My first sight of him was from the office window as he walked towards the building with the nannies holding his hand. He was bundled up with the many layers that they use against the cold.

He did not hesitate to come to me and let me hold him, although his eyes showed some apprehension. He watched everything going on around him. I took out some toys and he smiled. He also drank two milk boxes and ate some crackers. His favorite toys were the bubbles and balloons. These became favorite toys of the whole group. At some point I noticed that he had on the pants and sneakers that I had sent him. It was an active room with three families meeting their children and two other little girls being adopted.

We were there for quite a while signing papers, giving our gifts to the orphanage, and playing with the children. I gave them the bags of bibs for the babies. We then loaded the bus and traveled back to the orphanage. Timmy was excited about the snow and looked out the window, while holding onto the balloon. He was talking to me and when I asked our representative what he was saying, she said that he wanted his foster mom. L When we were almost to the hotel, he fell asleep in my arms. This didn’t last once we arrived, as he woke up while I was carrying him.

We are supposed to keep them on their home schedule which means he should be napping. So, I changed his diaper after taking off his many layers of clothing. Then, I laid him on the bed where he is playing with matchbox cars, looking through the pictures I brought and laying very quietly. I laid with him for a while, and he would shyly look over at me every once in a while. Now, I am sitting at the desk, trying to give him some space so that he might fall asleep. It just became quieter, so he may be falling asleep. Not yet, but hopefully soon.

While he rested I looked through a bag of things they handed to me. Inside I found many of the items I sent to him, including unopened toys. The best thing that I found was a picture book of Timmy with his foster family. I can tell that he was well loved. There are about 20 pictures of him with his mama, baba, and brother and sister. They are laughing and smiling in each picture. The representative suggests that I wait several weeks or months before showing him this album, as he will likely become upset and want to find them.

Adoption is so hard. I hate to take him from this loving family, but they are unable to keep him as a son. They already have children, so Timmy’s time with them would be limited. Unfortunately, he does not understand this. The days ahead will include his grief about losing them. For now, I feel blessed that our first meeting included some smiles and laughter from this little boy who is now a part of my life forever.

It's almost time.

2011-02-27T05:15:00.000-08:00

February 27, 2011

Our anticipation grows with each passing hour. We flew to their province today and received new updates on our children. Here are some quotes from the update on Timmy which was completed by his foster family.

· He can walk and run well.

· He is a little introverted and gets along well with others.

· He is very active and naughty when he stays with familiar people.

· He has a strong temper.

· He likes to sleep with a small handkerchief.

It looks like we are in for some toddler fun! I am really looking forward to introducing the boys to each other and watching their personalities develop over time. They will also have fun with their cousin Joshua. The three boys will hopefully form a tight bond.

Our group enjoyed time together today. We are building friendships that I hope will continue into the future.

Snow in Beijing

2011-02-26T05:34:00.000-08:00

February 26, 2011

Today I awoke to snow in Beijing. This is unusual for the city. We were advised to dress warmly for our tours of the Ming Tombs and the Great Wall. Our guide, Forest, gave us great history lessons about each place. He also shared in depth information about Chinese systems and lifestyles during the 3+ hours on the bus. The Great Wall looked even more impressive covered in snow. The weather made the climb more dangerous as the steps were steep and slippery.

Tonight I was able to Skype successfully with Jim and Jake after buying a camera and microphone in a Chinese Walmart (what an experience). It was so wonderful to finally hear their voices and see them. Jake danced around singing.

Tomorrow morning I fly out to Zhengzhou where we will finally meet our children. Most of the other families are going to the same province. The age range of the adoptive children varies from 15 months to 8 years old. The adoptive families on this trip with me come from a great variety of states including Alaska, Wyoming, South Carolina, Ohio, Virginia and Pennsylvania. We are getting along well and having fun.

Here in China!

2011-02-26T04:53:00.000-08:00

Phew!!! Finally in Beijing. We arrived close to midnight last night, so it was perfect to jump into bed and catch up on my sleep. Now, it is 5:30am and I am wide awake. Customs was quick and easy. The Beijing airport was clean and quiet. There are English words on lots of signs, so navigating was easy. Right across the street from our hotel is a huge Tiffany’s building; all lit up like New York City.

I met a couple on the flight who are also adopting a little boy with the same agency. They happened to join my flight after their connection was canceled stateside. We have a lot in common. Talking with them made the experience more enjoyable and time moved more quickly.

This update comes to you by way of e-mail to my brother and then posted. There is no access to Blogs or Facebook over here. More later and thanks for following!

Saying Goodbye

2011-02-26T04:49:00.000-08:00

I just said goodbye to Jim and Jake. They were able to park and come into the first concourse, but soon after checking in, they were unable to go further without a ticket. Jake gave me a long, sad hug. Then we had a family hug before we parted. I felt much better knowing that Jake would have his Ababa to take care of him. But, the days will seem long until we are all back together.

Packing Fun!

2011-02-20T05:24:00.000-08:00

This is what my packing looked like after Jake rummaged through the contents. It took me some time to get everything back together. I am now mostly packed. Uncle Mike and Aunt Bernadette took Jake for a few hours today, which gave me time to get ready.

Jake is getting more worried about me leaving. He is asking lots of questions and throwing more fits. I can tell that he is feeling less secure. We are giving him lots of reassurances and trying to help him through.

Conference Call

2011-02-16T17:53:00.000-08:00

Today I participated in a travel call with our agency, CCAI. The founder, Josh, talked with us about what to expect on our trip. He had some insightful words to share on how our children will view this day when we all meet. They will be losing their familiar world, and this may be the worst day of their lives. All of their behaviors on that day and for many after will be motivated by the fear they are feeling. He encouraged everyone in the group to pray for extra patience and the ability to steadily love our child through our care for them. At first, he said, they will start to view you as the best nanny they ever had. This will happen before they will view us as the best parents.

Josh said that their agency believes that while we struggle through these transitional days, we should have the comforts of nice places to stay. I googled the hotels on our travel plan since I had not done that before. Wow! He wasn't kidding. The hotel in Beijing and Zhengzhou are beautiful. The one in Zhengzhou, where we will spent the most time with our children has a large indoor pool. I am packing our swimsuits for some bonding time in the water.

Preparing to Travel

2011-02-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

I put together a couple of things to help Jake know that I will be returning. We have such a predictable routine that I fear any setbacks by my absense. The poster will be like an advent calendar in that it will have a countdown with messages under each cut out. I am working on the messages. The book is a recordable Hallmark book. I recorded the words to "All the Ways I Love You". Less than two weeks to go.

Thrilled

2011-02-04T18:13:00.002-08:00

Jim was able to work his magic and get our tickets through frequent flyer miles. I will be leaving from D.C. on a non-stop flight on the 23rd. Then, Timmy and I will return to Philadelphia on the 11th.

Today I applied for my Visa using a courier who will take the paperwork to the Chinese Embassy for approval. I am checking these tasks off of my to do list.

19 days and counting!

2011-02-04T18:13:00.001-08:00

Meeting Timmy Soon

2011-02-03T18:22:00.000-08:00

This is the latest picture we have of Timmy. What a thin connection to a little boy that will soon join our family. In less than 3 weeks, I will meet him for the 1st time. Then, we will spend about 2 weeks together before traveling home. I am not sure if he knows that we are on our way soon. My heart hurts when I consider his pain of leaving all he knows behind, including his foster family. Adoption is joyful and painful wrapped together.

Travel Dates!!!

2011-02-01T13:09:00.001-08:00

We just heard today that I will travel on February 23rd to bring Timmy (Zhi Gu) home! That is 3 weeks away. We are excited and nervous, all at once. Soon, we will have our two boys together and our family will be complete. I thought this picture of gifts from my staff fit the occassion. We have much to be thankful for. :)

We have plane tickets to buy, luggage to pack, and lots more to prepare. Yea!!

A Shower for Timmy

2011-01-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

Despite very snowy weather, my staff greeted me with a cheerful panda themed shower for Timmy. There were panda cupcakes, chopsticks,

bamboo mats and Chinese food containers with fortune cookies. They are sooo amazing and caring. We enjoyed breakfast food, and decided to wait for a less snowy day for me to open the gifts. So, the library still looks like this until tomorrow. I look forward to letting Timmy know how much others cared for him, even before he came home.

Our Other Big News!

2011-01-24T17:15:00.001-08:00

We are moving to Harvard, MA in late June or early July. Here is a picture of the library in the town center. I just signed the contract to become the principal of their elementary school. It is a small district with only about 1,400 students with only 1 elementary school. I am honored to be the one they selected from their pool of candidates.

So, where did this come from?? Ever since Jim and I finished school (seminary for him and UDEL for me), we have talked about where we might settle next. We love New England, and so I began to look in the fall. I made it to the finalist round in two MA schools and one VT school. Harvard started to stand out after I visited there twice. Last week, the Superintendent and the director of elementary curriculum flew down to see our school. They offered me a position last Friday. Today, I accepted.

What mixed emotions; excitement about the change for our family, sadness about leaving family and friends. Also, a little overwhelmed with picking up Timmy next month, and then moving with two little boys. :) Get ready for our wild journey these next months.

Steps Towards China

2011-01-18T12:02:00.000-08:00

Just today we received news that our Article 5 was picked up in China. The next step is travel approval (TA)! Yikes and Yippee!!! Now, all depends on whether we receive notice of TA before the Chinese New Year which closes offices in China from February 2-8. It is beginning to look like a February travel date is possible. Wouldn't that be a wonderful birthday present for me. (February 15th).

Last week I traveled to New England and was away for 3 nights. Jake did really well with his Ababa's care. That left me feeling more confident about being away for 14 or so days as I travel to China. I wish we were all going, but .... this will be easier in the long run.

I celebrated today's good news by packing another package for Timmy. Maybe this will be the last one.

Update On Our Journey to Timmy

2011-01-07T06:17:00.000-08:00

This process for China is more complicated than Ethiopia, but we are nearing the end when we will have Timmy in our arms. This weekend I will apply for my visa to travel. We are one week into a two week wait for something called an Article 5. Once that is done, there will be about a two week wait until I hear travel news. The fastest travel date would be near the end of February. More likely, would be the first part of March. That will be here before we know it!! Yea, Timmy we are coming soon.
Jake is excited to have a new brother. He knows that Timmy will share his room and share his life. Someone recently pointed out that unlike a baby brother, Jake will have an instant playmate. We hope they quickly learn to play and love each other.
We will soon know more about our son from China. I wonder if he will fit into Jake's outgrown clothes. Will he warm to me during our two stay in China. Will he warm to his Ababa and brother quickly once we arrive at home. Will he be afraid of our black lab and cats? Will he learn English as quickly as Jake did? What health concerns will we need to overcome with him?
With adoption, we are gifted the life of a little one who comes to us complete with a developed personality, likes and dislikes, and with a life history already. This process humbles me and grants me a new perspective on life.

Can You Believe It!

2010-12-31T09:28:00.001-08:00

Jake went skiing twice with his Ababa. He loves it! I can't wait to go with them again, maybe this weekend. Jim said he was able to turn himself mostly in one direction. I think he is fabulous and adorable in his equipment. At 3 1/2, he is getting an early start. He will soon be one of those little ones that whips by the rest of us with ease and confidence. I am so proud of him.

Oh, What a Christmas!

2010-12-28T17:13:00.000-08:00

After waiting years and years to celebrate the holidays with our child, we did! Technically, this was our second Christmas together, but last year Jake did not participate. He was still in the post-adoption shock of a whole new world. This year, he knew and anticipated the fun. We opened an advent calendar each day to help him count down. Then, Christmas Eve we spent with my family. The whole family gathered for a sing-a-long that moved many to tears. Then, we drove home to spend Christmas morning at home with just the three of us. This is a picture of Jake's smile at 7:30am just before opening his presents.

After breakfast and play time, we traveled to Washington D.C. to spent time with Jim's sister and family. It was relaxing and enjoyable. The whole series of special events will stay as some of my favorite memories.

Our Sweet Boy in China

2010-12-22T17:59:00.001-08:00

Zhi Gu looks like he is growing up. When Jake saw these latest pictures, he mentioned the phone in Timmy's hand. It reminded me of the report we received of Jake when he was in Ethiopia. The report mentioned that Jake loved electronics. They will share that in common.

I recently found an on-line support group of parents who have adopted special needs children from the Henan province. The advice and information is helping me to feel closer to our son. Also, we received some critical paperwork from the Immigration office. Hopefully, we are on target for me to travel in early March. It would be wonderful to have Timmy with us for his 3rd birthday which is April 23rd.

Meanwhile, we are just days away from Christmas. Jake is super excited. These last two days, he has gone skiing with his Ababa. I was sorry to miss the fun. Aparently, he loved it and is learning a lot. Hopefully, I will see him at is soon; maybe over Christmas break.

Cousins Playing

2010-12-19T05:39:00.000-08:00

Jake and his cousin, Joshua, braved the cold weather to enjoy some play time at the park. They ran around and chased each other while Mike and I caught up on life. It is wonderful to watch the boys play together. Afterwards, we all enjoyed some hot chocolate and warmed up at our house.

2010-12-13T17:14:00.000-08:00

My school has collected over 300 bibs for orphanages in Timmy's area. A website for orphans in the Henan Province listed bibs as one of their areas of need. http://www.henankids.org/ I put the request out to the students and families and they have responded generously. These bibs will be packed into my luggage and carried over to needy children in orphanages; like the one Timmy spent time in. This project helps us feel closer to him. We also received two new pictures which I'll post soon.

Meanwhile, Jake is getting very excited about Christmas. He opens a new section of his advent calendar each day and promptly gives the chocolate to his Ababa. We share that in common - dislike for chocolate. :) I am looking forward to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with him and our families.

A Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-26T13:35:00.001-08:00

We are especially thankful for Jake in our lives this year. This was his first Thanksgiving dinner and he seemed to really enjoy the day. He had lots of cousins to play with. His favorite food was the cranberry jelly :). I remember back to last year and how difficult it was to celebrate with our travel plans uncertain. We knew that Melkamu was waiting for us, and there was no way to speed up the process. This year, we know that Zhi Gu is waiting and again our travel plans are uncertain. But the waiting is easier with Jake to keep us busy. And, we know that Zhi Gu is being cared for by his foster family. Just today we sent out the second package to him. Next Thanksgiving our family will be complete and there will be even more to smile about.

A Trick That Worked

2010-11-21T16:55:00.000-08:00

Jacob does not like to have lotion put on him after his bath. For most of the summer, I just let go of that step. But now his skin is dry. So, the other night I put shimmering lotion on him and he giggled and giggled. He thought being sparkly was just great. I tell him that he looks like Christmas and smells like cookies. I don't know how long this trick will work, but I am happy it is working now. :)

I don't have a picture of his sparkly skin, so I will include one from Jim's birthday on the 17th. We celebrated; just the three of us and it was special.

Timmy

2010-11-13T19:27:00.000-08:00

Timmy will soon know about us as our package with photos should arrive in China soon. I can only imagine how his brain will process the idea. Meanwhile, Jake is excited and wants to know why his brother isn't here yet. The other night, as I was rocking Jake to sleep, he looked over at the toddler bed and said, "That's Timmy's bed." Sometimes I hear him talking about his brother in his childish conversations to himself.

The idea of a second child brings up new worries about how Jake will transition. He is LOVING the full attention of both of his parents. Will he be jealous of the time we will need to give to Timmy? How will he react to my long trip to China?

I've thought of some ways to help him to understand that I will be back. Of course, we will communicate when we can, but also I thought a visible countdown might help. Something like an count-down calendar or a paper chain with messages to him from me.

It is wonderful to watch Jake's excitement and love for his brother as we all grow our hearts to include this special little boy.

Package to Timmy

2010-11-09T17:15:00.000-08:00

As we prepared a package for Timmy, I was reminded of when we sent our package out to Jake. They actually returned the photo album as well as the voice recorded card. I remember him showing us the items at the final ceremony. He loved opening the card and hearing our message to him. This time Jake was able to help us pick out items for his brother's package.

I am less sure that any of the items will get to Timmy. Our information says that he is staying in a foster home. Is this home close to the orphanage that will receive the package? Will the items ever make it to him and his foster family? We may never know. We are allowed to send multiple packages, so I will continue each week. Even if the items do not get to Timmy, they will brighten the day of other orphans. For this first package, I included the following items: socks, a sleeper with feet, a special spoon and fork, a toy car, markers, chocolates (for the family), a nail trimming kit, a disposable camera, perfume (for his foster mom), a photo album and a book.

I hope he at least receives the photo album with labels in Chinese. We love you little guy!

Meet Timmy!

2010-10-28T17:38:00.001-07:00

Here is our sweetie. I love his cute smile. It is hard to know about him and yet have to wait to pick him up and bring him home. At least we won't have to wait the torturous 6 months that we had to wait for Jake. I should travel in about 3 months. Right now our process for Timmy is held up in the immigration office since all of that paperwork had to be redone. But today I received notice that they have our application and it is in process. yea! We look forward to sending him a care package with pictures soon.

A Brother!

2010-10-23T03:55:00.000-07:00

A little boy will join our family from China within the next 5 months. He is 2 1/2 years old and very cute. Jake helped to pick his name; Timothy "Timmy" Dwight. We are excited! As soon as they release us to, I will post some pictures of him.
This process was soooo different from our referral for Jake. About a month ago we opened our China process up to some medical needs. We knew that there were many boys waiting to be adopted because most people request girls. These boys would have been abandoned because of their health needs. We began to rethink our family to consider 2 boys.
After submitting our medical checklist, we completed another home study and sent off our paperwork for Immigration. This was to take about 2 months, and we had to wait for this before getting a referral. Then, I received an e-mail saying that we didn't have to wait. We could learn about our child now. So, we began to seriously consider the children whose profiles were posted on our agency's website. This is where we found Dang Zhi Gu (Timothy Dwight). How strange it is to "select" a child for your family. What would make us pick one child over another? The process is never easy.
We feel confident that this boy is our child. His picture smiles to us from places around our house as we prepare ourselves and Jake for another family member. I will probably travel to China myself or with my brother. Being away from Jim and Jake for the 14-16 days will be tough, but the outcome will be an enriched family of 4! :)

Adventure Seeking

2010-10-09T05:25:00.000-07:00

Jake loves to challenge himself. Here are pictures of him figuring out how to grab the rings and jump from the play set in our yard. He loves action of any type. Rainy days are tough because he still seeks ways to climb, throw things, and wrestle. I think a sibling will need to be warned about his big brother. :) While I write this he is throwing his t-shirt in the air and trying to get it to land on the highest piece of furniture.

A Brother or Sister

2010-09-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

Jake may have a brother or sister sometime in 2011. On Thursday our social worker came to our house as part of our update for the China process. We completed our original China dossier in April of 2007, and now updates are needed to proceed. The wait continues to stretch out and they predict at least 2-3 years more for the traditional program (healthy children under 3). Meanwhile there are many children waiting with special needs. These children may be adopted sooner because they are outside of the traditional program. Well, we have made the huge decision to open our lives up to a special needs child. A child with minor, correctable health issues will be matched to us soon after we complete this round of updates. Then, it takes 3-5 months until they clear us to travel over and pick him/her up.

Jake's new sibling will likely be a boy. They agency says that there are many more boys with special needs waiting for families. We are excited about this next step in growing our family

Official in the US

2010-09-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

On September 9th we completed Jake's adoption in the United States. It was an emotional day, full of ceremony and Jake's charm. Both Jim and I had to take the stand and swear that we would parent Jacob as if he were a child born to us. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of how much we both love him. We had to state his full legal name; Jacob Melkamu Tamene Dwight. Now he is a full United States citizen.

Empathy

2010-09-09T18:05:00.001-07:00

My big kitty Lyle died on Labor Day Monday and I was able to witness Jake's compassion. He watched me carefully as I cared for Lyle over the long weekend. He asked a lot of questions. Why did Lyle go to the doctors? Would he be ok? I shared honestly with him. When Lyle finally died, Jake felt my pain. He touched my tears and cried himself. He kept hugging me and staying close by. As I comforted him, I felt my own sadness fade. Lyle was well loved and loved in return. RIP, Big Guy!

Starting School

2010-09-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

Jake started school this week. He loves it already and asks every day if he is going to see friends at school. Unfortunately, he went for one day and now has 5 days off until he goes again. It was interesting that he did not sleep well after going. What I find with him is that he puts his best foot forward and rarely shows apprehension or fear. But, at night he shows some of his fears. All I can imagine is that the school might have reminded him of his stay in the orphanage. As time goes on and he realizes that we will always be there to pick him up, he will likely settle in and sleep more soundly.

Charming!

2010-08-22T06:01:00.000-07:00

His big eyes show so many expressions. Jim took this picture while I was at work and I see the anticipation on his face. He was looking forward to something they were about to do. The next set of pictures on the camera showed him in his pool, so I think that was the source of his excitement.
Next week, Jim starts teaching at a local college and Jake starts his school. We bought him a lunchbox yesterday and he put an apple in right away. I think he is going to love his school and playing with friends.

Payback for Vacation

2010-08-17T16:56:00.000-07:00

Jake has made my transition back to work more difficult. On Monday morning he cried and on Tuesday morning he screamed. Then tonight, he told me that he cried during the day because he couldn't find me. :(

2010-08-15T04:30:00.000-07:00

We recently returned from a vacation in the Finger Lakes area of NY. The resort had an indoor/outdoor water park which Jake loved. He is really, really fond of water. Watching him play brought us lots of joy. He also liked our walks outside around a little lake. This has been a wonderful summer of new experiences for us as a family. I am a bit sad to know that summer is nearly over and that will mean less time together. But, there are benefits to each season. Just yesterday while Jake was swinging in the backyard, he talked about the snow that covered his play area last winter. We will look forward to the cooler weather which is around the corner.

His Book and Life Experiences

2010-08-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

Today I recieved the Blog book in the mail. It is so interesting to look back at our journey together. And, now it is in hard copy for him to read when he is older. I am very pleased with how it looks and how easy it was to complete.

As I look back through the pages, I am amazed at all of the living we have crammed into our eight months together. Here is a list of the more exciting experiences we have shared with Jake;

airplane ride home from Ethiopia

two trips to the ocean

boat ride in the ocean with a storm that caused hail and rocky seas

two trips to Vermont (with one attempt at skiing for him)

two train rides (Philadelphia and the Strasburg Railroad)

two trips to Dutch Wonderland

Museum of Natural History in DC

tent camping

trip to the Finger Lakes in NY with a water park(our trip later this week)

One of my friends, Claudia, laughs as she watches the journey, and wonders how we will top these events. I didn't realize we were quite so busy. Through all of this, Jake has continued to love new things and learn from them. Also, he is more trusting of us and better behaved.

A Glorious Rainy Train Ride

2010-07-28T16:07:00.000-07:00

We took Jake on the Strasburg railroad and we were caught in a storm. We saw the lightening off in the distance and felt the rain through the open windows. He didn't mind at all. In fact, I think the whole experience was enhanced by the rainstorm. His eyes grew really big when the "ghost" train whistle blew and echoed off the surrounding hills. This ride rounded out the celebration of his third birthday.

A Book of Memories

2010-07-28T16:03:00.000-07:00

Recently, I worked on a hard copy book of this blog history. Someday I will share it with Jake as a record of our first six months together. The on-line company was Book Smart and the process was really easy. For about $35 (counting shipping) we will have a hard copy including the colored pictures. I wanted to get this information out to others who may want to do the same thing for their story.

Jake's Birthday

2010-07-18T18:38:00.000-07:00

Jake turns 3 tomorrow, but we celebrated today. He seemed to really enjoy his special day. We bought him a red bike yesterday for his birthday and today he woke up and asked to ride it right away. We were actually outside so that he could ride around 6:30. I think that earns me some type of mother award. :) The rest of the day included church where he fell asleep and snored during the service, getting ready for the party, and a wonderful "pool" party with friends. Jim and Uncle Mike even made water balloons which were a big hit with the kids. It was such a joy to share this birthday together with him. It is the first of many more to come.

Reflection on a Year Ago

2010-07-16T16:42:00.000-07:00

Last July was when we learned that Melkamu Tamene would become our son. He was just under two years old and all we had were two pictures of him and some of his background. We studied his picture and rejoiced about the news, while also acknowledging the tough reasons which were creating our family. We knew that he was confused and scared at all of his life changes.

This weekend we will celebrate his third birthday. So much has happened to seal us as family members forever. He brings so much joy into our lives.

Sharing Pictures

2010-07-02T15:20:00.001-07:00

Last weekend Jim and I finally shared pictures of Jake's birth family with him. We waited until we had a quiet day at home, in case he needed more comfort or space afterwards. We really didn't know how he would react. Would he remember and be sad? Would he be angry? Would he become withdrawn or act out? It was nearly a year ago when he was brought to the care center by his family. Without getting into too much detail about the family he lost, there were pictures of about 5 family members.

Well, we all sat down on the couch and Jim and I started in halting voices to share some of the details and pictures. I had rehearsed the details in toddler terms, hoping he would get the gist of our conversation. The pictures were in an album for him. He thanked me for the album and seemed to take the information seriously. He didn't share much. His strongest reaction was to a picture of his birth home.

When we showed him a picture of his birth home, he quickly jumped up and started to pretend cry and point to his scars on his leg. We know that while he lived with his birth family he was burned in a cooking fire. We were told that he grabbed some sticks out of the fire and they landed on his legs. His scars are significant on his upper thighs. From his reaction, we assume that the fire was close to his house. Obviously this early trauma stuck in his memory. So far we do not see any fear of fire based on his burns.

The people pictures did not seem to have the same effect. He looked at the album several times. There were pictures of him in the care center and he seemed to look the most at those. Now that we have shown him the pictures we will keep them available and accessible. We will honor his first family at holiday and in our everyday conversations and remembrances. I feel relieved that we took this first step to making our family comfortable with the conversations related to his life story.

In reflection, the experience of adoption is soooo much more complicated than I anticipated. The joy of growing our family is matched with the pain of separating family members from each other. There are no easy answers in life.

Our Swimmer

2010-06-27T04:33:00.000-07:00

Jake LOVES the water. This weekend he swam with his cousin Caroline, Aunt Dianne, Ababa, and me. He swam underwater while kicking his feet and moving his arms. He went down a big water slide and jumped in from the side of the pool. He wanted to go off the diving board, but we said no. :) I am amazed at his bravery and total lack of fear. We will have to keep giving him opportunities to swim and improve his skills.

Also, he sleeps really well after so much exercise. :)

Jake and Joshua

2010-06-20T04:49:00.001-07:00

Jake LOVES his cousin Joshua. He talks about him everyday. Whenever Jim and I tell him that he is going to do something, he asks whether "Joshua come too?" He gets really excited to see him. Yesterday, they visited Dutch Wonderland. We enjoyed their smiles and laughter. It was heartwarming to see Joshua take care of Jake on the rides. At other times, I've heard Joshua say, "It's ok, little buddy." when he sees Jake upset. They also wrestle like brothers and fight over toys. I am thrilled that they are growing up with each other like Mike and I grew up together.

A Busy Weekend

2010-06-14T17:15:00.000-07:00

Jake enjoyed a busy weekend. On Saturday we joined 3 other adoptive families at Daniel's Den. The children played around on the playset and then we shared a picnic lunch. Malachi and Jake played with the sand. There were five children from Ethiopia. At one point, I went into the sandbox to tell Jacob about lunch. A little boy said, "I didn't know that you were his mommy. I thought you would have a face like his." I smiled at this little boy's recognition of our different skin colors, and I assured him that I was Jacob's mommy.

The next day we traveled to Aunt Laura's house where he played for hours on the trampoline with his cousins. He is pictured with four of his cousins, Joshua, Kaitlin, Abby and Jonathan. Everyone seemed to enjoy the day. And, even though Jake was tired, he was well behaved. He fell asleep on the car ride home and slept the rest of the night.

An Adoption Episode

2010-06-06T17:34:00.000-07:00

Today we visited DC and planned a lunch at an Ethiopian restaurant in Falls Church. Jake was sleeping when we arrived at the restaurant, after spending time at the Natural History Museum. As you can see from this picture, he ate well and really enjoy his injera. Afterwards, we went next door to the Ethiopian shop.

For some reason, he started to act up. He threw a bottle of apple juice on the floor and when I picked him up he started kicking and trying to pinch my cheek. As I was trying to correct him and calm him down, two Ethiopian women started to talk with him in Amharic. They were very stern and the older woman started to smack her hand as she talked. I sat him on a stool for him to listen to her. I assumed she was telling him to respect his emama and his abbaba. I heard her saying those words.

Well, he sat there quietly and then when it went on for a minute or two, I took him down from the stool. She reached out to hold him as a way to be loving (I imagine), and he would have none of it. I picked him up and we took him to the car. Well, he completely freaked out for at least a half hour. He was screaming and crying and zoning like he does when he really seems to be grieving. We tried to comfort him by reassuring him that we were not going to leave him at the restaurant and that he was our son whether he was acting badly or not. It took him a looong time to recover.

We still aren't sure what happened, but we do think it was related to his adoption story. The crying was not his usual I am mad and tired. As parents, we recognized the difference. I still feel guilty for having him sit on the stool and listen to the woman. I thought it might help him to hear another message about respect in Amharic. He struggles in this area.

It was exhausting to go through this with him. As he sleeps tonight I wonder what caused him to react in such a way. Did he think we were going to leave him? Did her words scare him? Was he remembering being disciplined at the orphanage? This is just another example of how complicated it is to parent a child when we have missed their first years of life.

The Month of Graduations!

2010-05-30T15:02:00.000-07:00

Jake must think that graduations are common occurances since he attended his second one on Friday. It felt extra special to share the event with him, Jim and friends Eric and Aimee. Jake charmed people in the crowd and lasted about an hour before he needed to run. The room was hot and the cermony long (2+hours), but I was glad that I attended.

Good Impressions??

2010-05-23T04:57:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Jim graduated from Seminary and Jacob met his Grandmother from California for the first time. He didn't exactly put his best self forward. He seemed out of sorts and over stimulated. Here is an example: We all (Grandma, Aunt Dianne, and Uncle Chuck) went out to eat after graduation to a sandwich shop downtown. All Jacob wanted was to see the fountain out front. He saw it before eating and again afterwards. I had him afterwards, so Jim would be able to talk with his family. I made sure to hold Jake's hand as he walked around the cement border. Then, I made him lay down on the border to look into the fountain. He threw coins in and seemed content to reach into the water with his hand. Well, you know how quickly two year olds move?? In an instant, he went from lying on the border, to reaching in and then falling head first into the fountain. I pulled him out by his feet and he was competely soaked. He was sputtering and crying. As I consoled him and carried him back to the outside table full of family - it was hard not to laugh at the ridiculous picture we made - he was dripping in his dress clothes and I was carrying him with my dress soaked in the front. It cut the meal short as Jim went to the parking garage for the car. Aunt Dianne helped me undress Jake and we wrapped him in her pink shawl. He was dancing around in his pull up by the time Jim returned with the car. Now, his imaginary play includes calling for help as he "falls into a fountain". :)

Mother's Day Reflections

2010-05-09T17:43:00.001-07:00

We spent the weekend together as a family in Cape May. What an awesome Mother's Day weekend. Jacob LOVED the beach and wanted to jump right into the cold water. My heart just swelled with love as I watched him experience another "first".
Jim made the day special by bringing down a bottle of champagne and treating me to a special lunch. Then when we arrived home from the beach, he drew me a bath, lit candles, and took care of Jacob while I relaxed. I put Jacob to bed and we played a long game of tickling. He wanted more and more. :)

On reflection about this Mother's Day; I think I feel it more deeply having waited through sooo many other years when my heart ached to hold a little one. Jacob is just the child for us. He is a joy and a challenge. He often charms his way out of trouble when he has pushed the limits too far. Then we hear, "I love you Mommy!" or "I love you Ababa!" and see his charming smile. It is really hard to follow through sometimes. But, we know that love is setting limits and teaching him to trust and not to always strive for control. I look forward to experiencing more firsts and seconds and thirds, ..... with him (and his Ababa!).

Video of Sprinkler Fun

2010-05-02T18:06:00.000-07:00

Water Fun

2010-05-02T03:29:00.000-07:00

The temperatures rose to the mid-80's, so the boys (Jacob, Ababa and Joshua) cooled off in the sprinkler. It was fun to watch Jacob go from timid to brave as he followed his cousin's lead. They were running through the water and laughing until they needed to warm up with towels. Uncle Mike's yard was the perfect water park.

A Mother's Right: Bragging :)

2010-04-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

He really is such a special little guy. Here is my most recent bragging list.

Jacob is really coordinated. He catches, bats balls, and climbs up rock walls and other playground equipment with ease.
He picked up English very quickly and expresses his ideas often. He says, "What's its name?" as he points to different objects. His memory is amazing.
He is very sweet and loving. At night he says, "Rock a baby?" when he wants to be rocked.
He loves books and already has many favorites including Pajama Time and Snuggle Puppy. Books about lions (his favorite animal) are also popular.
He loves spicy food. We enjoy Thai, Chinese, Indian and of course Ethiopian food with him.
Jacob loves technology and figures out DVD players and anything with buttons or gadgets.

We are blessed to be his parents!

Our New Family Member

2010-04-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

Jake is thrilled with his "new" dog named Coal. He is a six year old lab who needed a home. Coal doesn't seem to mind the rough and tumble of a two year old. Already the two of them seem to be friends. It will be a while until Jake is strong enough to hold the lease on walks.

Visiting VT Again

2010-04-01T05:16:00.000-07:00

We have traveled to VT for the second time with Jacob. He is enjoying time with his Aunt Dianne, Uncle Chuck and Cousin Caroline. The weather is warm for skiing, but the four of them went out yesterday while I spent time with Jake and worked on my paper (final clean up). I think I am going to pass on going out until next year. Spending time with Jacob suits me fine. Don't you love his smile?!

Joy!

2010-03-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

What joy he brings into our lives!! He loves to play outside and asks for his bike or slide (park) almost as soon as he wakes up. I treasure his hugs and kisses before I leave for school and when I get home.

Fun With His Cousin

2010-03-21T05:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Jacob and his cousin, Joshua had fun at an Easter egg hunt and playing at the playground. Jacob has a bunny sticker on his forehead. :) Enjoy!

Jacob's Antics

2010-03-17T17:20:00.000-07:00

Last night I came home late from work and expected Jacob to be asleep. It was about 9pm. Well, he was peeking at me from around the stairs. We snuggled and I put him back in bed. He didn't settle down and we repeated the cycle several times. Finally, all seemed quiet. It was nearly 11pm and Jim and I were ready to go to sleep ourselves. Jacob was STILL awake!! We put him in bed and turned in.

We couldn't understand him. He usually goes to bed easily and falls asleep by 8pm. But, last night he cried off and on and just wouldn't settle. I started to think it might be because I was away for two nights (nice, guilty feelings). Finally after 11pm, we were all asleep.

I woke up early and went to make sure he was still covered. As I reached for his quilt, my hand hit something in his bed. There was a can of Coke nearly empty under his covers!!! No wonder he didn't fall asleep; he was full of caffeine. Not one of our brightest moments as parents. Apparently, he took an opened can out of the frig. When?? Who knows!

PS... The can he is drinking from in the picture is full of water. I know, probably NOT a good idea anymore!

The first picture is how he uses his musical leap frog. (as a stepping stool)

The last picture is of him acting like a lion, which he often does. (scary :))

2010-03-12T13:41:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture of Jake and his friend Abel (Baley) and Ababa (Daddy). Jake and Abel knew each other in Ethiopia, so the reunion was really special. A group of about 10 Ethiopian adoptive parents met at a local Ethiopian restaurant. Jake knew Baley and his Lancaster friends Malachi and Emma. The kids had a lot of fun eating injera and running around. At one point Jake put his arms up to the owner for Addisu to pick him up.